Sometimes I wonder how people look like they have figured everything out. Like how were they able to find something that makes them so happy while I sit here trying to figure out life.
It’s difficult to think about stuff sometimes because you end up feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes, I would think of my friends who are close to their dreams, who are working towards what they wanted, who are paving their paths to success then come to think of it, I did better in school than they ever did (please do not judge me, I am not being arrogant. This is just based on how I see myself of course lol) I was always the responsible one yet I am here, crawling my way up with dirt in my hands! I used to think I would rise up climbing the ladder of success with such grace and elegance but in reality, I am clawing my way out from this dark tunnel of uncertainty. So much for grace and elegance eh? Crawling like a mad man, clothes and skin torn. Heart is broken, mind is cluttered and darkness is all I can see inside my soul. That's not even the sad part about it. Sad part is having every bit of you so used up and broken, then managing to finally handle things and build yourself up again only to get shattered a few more times again. Like this is insane!
Sometimes, I walk like a zombie trying to get by in the day. Sometimes, I walk with high hopes, dreams of reach and my heart filled with joy. Often times, I am just dazed and confused. As dazed and confused as everyone else.
After accomplishing (what feels like) impossible things (to accomplish) on a daily basis, I have learned I am strong enough to handle every pressure that comes my way. After everything has been said and done, before I go to bed at night, I evaluate how my day went. How they and I were satisfied with the work I delivered, how I was looked at by my family and how God thinks of me and all the blessings he showered upon me.
Day by day, it is a struggle. It is a battle that I wasn’t even prepared for. I keep thinking “is this what I want myself to be?” then I realized not everything is easily handed especially for people like me.
Do you ever wonder? Do you ever think that you are so down and everyone else is happy with their lives? Well maybe they have figured out what they wanted, maybe they are blessed with things you do not have, maybe they are successful and rich or comfortable than you are now but did it ever occur to you that not everyone gets to have what they really want. Maybe they are rich and successful but are they truly happy? Maybe their family is happy and complete but did they find their love of their lives already? Maybe they have a high paying job but were they able to have alone time or even spend time with people they love? Maybe they can go places, travel as much as they want! Splurge as much as they want, but do you think they feel fulfilled? Not everything we want can be given all at the same time. Maybe it isn’t our time just yet to be rich, successful, happy, contented, fulfilled. But our own time would come. As for right now, we must learn to appreciate and be grateful with what we have.
I wouldn’t say we shouldn’t complain because that is hard and impossible to do (and I also cannot stop myself from complaining) but amidst all these, let’s just try to pray for ourselves and hope for a better future. One last thing! You are not alone in this daily battle and struggle of adulthood. Some are just good at keeping their heads up even if everything is falling apart. Just know that everyone is facing their own battles, so you are not alone in this struggle. You are not alone in this. Try going back to your old self and see how far you've come already. This might feel a little "simple" but seriously, you've come this far in life already! Give yourself a break and actually, a pat in the back because you've done so much more than you have imagined 2, 3, 5 years ago! Now hold your head high cause tomorrow is another day of struggle, battle and victory!