Heartbreak and Why Internet Advice is The Worst

Heartbreak and Why Internet Advice is The Worst

This post is a longer one, sorry about that.

‘Foolproof ways to get over a heartbreak’, ‘8 signs he may not be in love anymore’, ‘why he doesn't love you anymore’, ‘How you can fix it’.  
Just a small idea of the kind of results I found on the internet once I decided to write this post and it's all rubbish.  There are no foolproof ways to get over a heart that's broken, for whatever reason.  You can't generalise how people may act, you may never know why he doesn't love you anymore and while relationships can be fixed, a lot of the ‘advice’, is rubbish.  Snapchat is a great example of these types of posts and lists from various lifestyle sites or magazines.  

These lists almost always say the exact same things, for example, “he doesn't reply to your texts straight away” or They have become more distant”, sound familiar? The truth here is that sometimes life gets in the way and and people can't reply straight away, it doesn't mean that they have fallen out of love with you it might be that they're just busy at that moment, it happens to the best of us.  Maybe that person is feeling upset or hurt right now and actually they don't want to reply straight away, or they are more distant than usual because they don't really know what to say or do.  Sometimes small conflicts or arguments are good for a relationship.  It means that each person knows how the other is feeling.  It is when couples fail to communicate these issues that problems happen and one day possibly lead to your worst fear.  Nobody talks to each other enough today, many of us mask our feelings and hope that they stay put or go away but that's the worst thing we can do.

This then brings me to my next grievance with a site that I won't name which talks about how you can fix it.  It starts off okay, it states that you can't make somebody love you and that your partner may not even fully understand why they have fallen out of love with you or what they are feeling themselves.  Which is true, we don't always know why we feel the way we feel, not completely.  It is often built up of little things here and there, these eventually create one big destructive fire ball of feelings that explodes.  That explosion may not happen out loud, but it will probably happen in your mind or chest.  You know when you get that feeling around your heart, like someone is squeezing it so tight that you don't even know what is happening? Or maybe it makes you want to cry, get angry?  Your mind becomes fog, you don't know what to think, your heart is saying one thing and your mind another? as cliche as that is.  That's fine, but it's how you work with and deal with those feelings that is the important part.  

The website then goes on to say that you need to change yourself and hopefully the person with fall in love again, you should change the habits they don't like etc.  This is actually not bad advice, it's just worded VERY badly.  While you shouldn't be someone your not for another person and habits are hard to change, some are not impossible.  Eat with your mouth open? Close it.  Question everything they do? Loosen the string a little rather than break it, relax and trust.  If you often cover feelings with humour or try and make jokes, maybe try to communicate in a less frustrating way. Take things more seriously occasionally, don't take things too seriously, know how to balance it.  That is one issue that I have myself, I am terrible at expressing how I feel, I will mask it with humour and sarcasm or just push it down and accidentally push people away.  However do not change anything about yourself just because you think that it means someone will love you again because that's not the case, you need to do it for you. 

The bit that I had major issues with was the statement that you should also change your appearance for them.  NO.  If you want to lose weight or change the way you look that's great, just make sure that you do it for you because trust me when I say that if you are doing it for someone else it won't work.  But don't feel bad and change because they don't like something.  It's feels nice to look good and for that person to notice but if you have spent all morning in the bathroom doing your hair and/or makeup and you feel good, It’s then not nice when the person you love then turns around and says “huh, I don't like your hair today, what's the point, doesn't make sense”, or you have found something you wanted and then couldn't believe your luck when you bagged it for 60% off; you show them and they're reaction is “don't like it, would even give you £30 for it”, that can leave a little sting in your gut even though you may pretend it doesn't.  We spend so much time worrying about what people think, especially in relationships.  What if they don't like this, oh I won't wear that today because I know they don't like it, the people who say “I don't like it when you wear makeup”, ignore them.  You like your hair and makeup, your happy with your new top, good.  You felt good about yourself this morning, so don't let them dull your shine! 

But don't keep it to yourself, your hurting, your heart is breaking, tell them.  Talking is the only way to get through your problems both before and after they become too much.  That's all any of us can do, there is no definitive answer to what can help mend a broken heart, heartbreaks happen all the time, even during relationships.  We just have to remain hopeful that they will be fixed one day, whether that's through working on a relationship, leaving a toxic relationship and working on yourself or finding a way of coming to terms with the fact that the person you thought was your everything may be gone forever.  

However, all of that being said, who am I kidding? Of course people will turn to the internet when they're hurting, after all it's 2017 and one good website that I found was Tiny Buddha and a post written by Laura Yates.  It's not a 'best 10 ways to get over someone' post, it is a post written by someone who has experienced heartbreak and how she felt and what helped her heal.  If you have a broken heart and can't find a way to steer clear of the advice lists try this link >> http://tinybuddha.com/blog/healing-heartbreak-lessen-pain/ it was the best one I found. 

Published by Alysha Appleton

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