What do you do when you do not know what to do? This was the question that came to my mind earlier this week when I was faced with an impossible situation. Because of a mistake, done by my employer, I was faced with having to pay a large sum of back taxes. I can prove where the mistake was made, I can show how it was made, but my employer refuses to correct it, so I am forced to pay back taxes.
Back taxes are not that difficult to pay unless you are trying to pay off your remaining debt with a chapter 13 agreement. Chapter 13 does not consider back taxes, so it has the potential to ruin my attempts of ever becoming debt-free. But if I do not pay it, they will begin to garnish my wages, and that will surely make it virtually impossible for me ever to pay off my debt. So I was caught between a rock and a hard place.
I have to admit I got stressed out by this, and I motivated me to pray and to pray hard. But something was different from before in the right way. As a mainstream Christian, I did not know or have a relationship with my heavenly Father. I thought I had a relationship with Jesus, and I believed if you know who Jesus is, you know who the Father is. But at the same time, when things like this happened in my life, prayer did not help much. No matter how hard I prayed, how much I read my Bible, how much I worshiped, the anxiety, stress, and depression would not leave, and it would be impossible for me to hear the Holy Spirit guiding me.
This time, on the other hand, I did what the Torah says, and it worked. Instead of praying to “generic” Father in heaven, I obeyed the Torah and prayed to my Father in heaven, whose name is Yehovah. I prayed hard, I sometimes cried for help, and I made a conscious decision to focus my mind and meditate on His name Yehovah. The Bible says He will bless us everywhere His name is mentioned, and when we keep our minds focused on Him, He will cause us to succeed.
So what happened? Did money suddenly appear on my table? Did I have my miracle?
No, none of that happened, but something did. I experienced the peace that surpasses all understanding amid the storm, but more than that, I felt safe, and I heard Yehovah, my Father, telling me, “I got this, dont worry.” My situation remained unchanged, I still had back taxes to pay, and I did not know what was going to happen, but I was safe in the midst of the storm. I felt just as any scared child would feel when they are being comforted by their Father.
I did not hear Yehovah telling me precisely what to do at first, because the more I felt safe, the more my mind started racing with thoughts like “what if this happens, what if that happens…”. But for each time I was tempted to run off in my mind trying to live out imaginary scenarios that could happen and might not ever happen, I squeezed my heavenly Father’s hand by focusing my thoughts on His name, and He squeezed it back and filled me with His peace.
Just as any child has to decide to take His Father’s hand when they are scared, I had to decide to focus my mind on my Father’s name Yehovah, and that worked.
When I calmed down in my mind, I asked Yehovah what to do. I felt an uneasiness when I considered not to pay the back taxes, but I felt peace when I considered paying it. I also heard Yehovah telling me to test Him in this and make the payment; He also said it was His plan for me to make that payment, and if I did do it, He would show the next step to take. So I made the payment, and I did not know what would happen next.
Then Yehovah told me to ask my employer for a cash advance on next month’s paycheck. I feared to do this because I know the company I work for struggles financially now, and I was afraid they would say no. To be able to pay everything, both this month’s chapter 13 installments, feed myself, my family, pay the rent, bills, and the ministry bills, I should have asked for significant cash advance. But if I did it would cause us problems next month and perhaps even make it impossible for us to pay next month’s rent in December. In December, I can not ask for a cash advance from January until the 01 of January. So I asked for the maximum amount that would not give us any problems next month, but I am not sure if we will be able to pay this month’s chapter 13 installments for both my wife and me.
My employer approved the cash advance, so tomorrow, I will be able to at least pay for next month’s rent. What will happen with chapter 13 I dont know right now. I hope we will have enough to make this month’s installments, but I also heard Yehovah yesterday challenging me to believe HIm and not chapter 13. He showed me how chapter 13 has become so important to me; it is about to become an idol. So I told Him that if He wants me to give it up, I will give it up even though my wife and I would be slaves to debt for the rest of our lives. Luckily He did not tell me to give it up right there and then, and I reminded Him of the consequences, but if we can’t pay this month’s installments, I trust Yehovah to take care of it in one way or the other.
Am I worried about the situation?
If I were a mainstream Christian, I would be stressed out and worried. Things like these used to concern me a lot before, but now being a Torah obedient child of Yehovah, I have peace amid the storm.
I dont know what will happen to us, I dont know if we will ever be debt-free. But I know I am doing what I can, and I am trusting and leaning on taking shelter in the name of Yehovah to do what I cant do. And when I look at the cross, I know for sure Yehovah loves me and want only what is best for me.
I hope this brings you hope and that you will decide to turn to Yehovah and be reconciled to Him by faith in His Son Yeshua. I have been a Christian since 2001, and I can honestly say, repenting back to Torah is the best thing I have ever done because now I know my heavenly Father Yehovah who loves me enough to give me His Son Yeshua for my sins.