That's why when I was contacted by MyTrendingStories my heart jumped into my throat a little. My ears rang. That tightness arose in my chest. Me? Someone came across and read MY blog and found the content interesting and well written enough to want to reach out to me and invite me to be a contributor to their website? What if I choke? What if it looks like I'm trying too hard? What if there are...spelling errors?! (Yeah right. I was a spelling bee champion. Second grade. No big deal.)
Eep! I thought about it and decided that I will be taking this opportunity to allow myself this 15 minutes (eh, probably more like 30 seconds...) of pride and Internet quasi-fame. Will anyone read this besides my husband and my family and think it's cool, and not just because they have to? Yeah probably not. But, I digress.
Hi, I'm Jen. If I had to say 10 things about myself it would go like this:
- Chronic list maker (yet still horribly disorganized...how?)
- Unbelievably patient
- Night owl
- Likes to sleep outside on purpose
- Multi-tasker extraordinaire
- World of Warcraft junkie
- Prefers home and sweats over parties and people
- Not good at math
My personal blog, www.jennythetrailhead.com
was started because of and is based on my normal human struggles with anxiety, depression and loss. It's all about helping myself overcome those three things a day at a time with little to no help from taking prescriptions or self-medicating with other substances. My treatment plan includes positive thinking, writing, hiking for nature therapy, amateur photography, camping and traveling with my husband.
I know more people than I don't who sincerely suffer from anxieties of all levels and battle feelings that are more than just winter blues; some may not even realize that they are affected. It's sometimes more than just being "OMG I'm so awkward." It's time we address the seriousness of these afflictions. Mental healthcare is not treated as it should be. These are sicknesses you cannot always see, and it is important to acknowledge them. Talk about it, write about it; be heard. You're not alone!
I am a firm believer after trying everything (and I mean everything...) under the sun to help escape from and subside my feelings, that choosing to face them head on and embrace the sheer rawness of these emotions is what brought me to the positive and realistic outlook I have on life and my anxiety today. It took me a long time to grasp that while I cannot help the way I feel, I can HELP the way I feel. I now choose to make the most out of it and learn from the experience instead of running from it. In this revelation I have become very focused on me, myself and I. You will always have yourself. You must take care of you. Unfortunately, that sometimes means sacrificing places, people and things to allow yourself to get to a positive place.
Hello, I am a 32-year-old adult who cannot go into a grocery store alone, be a reasonable passenger in a car, make a simple phone call or pump gas by myself due to the overwhelming thoughts and irrational fears I have. I absolutely loathe any form of confrontation. I will be awake for days dwelling on things that have happened or on things that haven't happened at all. I cannot say "no." I will often avoid answering calls and texts so I don't even have to THINK of saying "no." I'm not a bad person, I promise. It's not you, it's me.
I was a doormat for a long time. The part that is hardest for me is that while I have always been this way, I don't even know what gives me those anxieties but I have had to learn to live with them. I hate to think of how many opportunities or things I have missed out on because of the feelings that hold me back.
It took losing the first very important person in my life to become the strongest me I have ever been. The death of my grandmother has absolutely been the test of my life thus far. If I could survive this, going on without her...I could probably do anything. I could continue to live and love wholly. Without the nagging constant fear of losing everyone around me. (I'm still working on that last one but nobody is perfect, okay.)