Ten years ago, I agreed to marry my boyfriend of two years. He proposed, and I was on cloud nine...for a little while anyway. He was a good person, but over the course of our engagement, I couldn't quiet that nagging feeling in my soul that kept whispering, "but are you really sure he's the one? The real one?" I could not then, and cannot explain it even now, but something always felt off with thinking about sharing the rest of my life with him. I ultimately chose to take a leap of faith and call off our wedding. That was scary, bold, and in reality at the time, made my life so much more difficult. However, it was worth it.
About a year after being single and dating somewhat randomly and casually, I tried my hand at online dating. This was in 2008, where is wasn't as popular as it is today, but was a legitimate option for seeking something real. I didn't expect much to come from it, but boy I got the shock of my life. I was contacted my the man who is now my husband, and we talked and got close very quickly. It sounds crazy, but before I even met him, I told one of my friends, "I just know I've found my husband." I listened to that inner voice again, and I was not let down.
We moved fast. He had been in an eight year relationship prior to meeting me, and had almost gotten married as well. When we met, we just knew we had been missing each other when we didn't even realize it was possible to miss something or someone you never even knew of. It felt amazing. Being that our previous experiences with marriage planning and engagements had not panned out, we skipped that part. What started out as a joke escalated to, "Hey let's get married." Although that was a joke, we once again found ourselves realizing that's what we wanted. Three months into our relationship, we up and eloped in private. We shocked most people, but we didn't care. It was our lives, not theirs.
June 27th is our anniversary. We just celebrated year number eight. We have a wonderful family. We are each other's best friends. We make each other laugh. We want nothing more than to live long lives with each other surrounded by our family. It has taken work, but we followed what our intuition and our souls were whispering to us.
If you are perpetually wondering if the person you are thinking about marrying is truly the one, reconsider. It could be jitters, it could be a bad moment after an unpleasant interaction, but if the one you want to marry doesn't see through you, and want to know you better than even you know yourself, maybe they really are not the one. I have no doubt that if I would have done the easy thing and continued my engagement with my ex, I would either not still be married to him at this point in time, or I'd be lying to myself about how happy our lives were.
Marry the one who wants to know how your day was. Not just small talk - but really know about it and wants to know how you are doing and what you are feeling. Marry the one who knows how to quiet all of your anxieties and create a space so safe you have no insecurities while you are with them. Marry the one who will not only make love to you, but will lustfully take you to an amazingly hot place. Marry the one who will be your biggest supporter, will want you to be the best version of yourself, and wants to share in your success. Marry the one that complements you, not completes you. You are a team...a force to be reckoned with. Marry the one who makes you feel alive even on the hard days. Don't settle for anyone less than you deserve. You deserve bliss. Don't forget that.
Published by A. Marie