This is an account of day 2 of my extended water-only fast. Be sure to check out my last post to learn about day 1 as well as my intentions for the fast.

 

Day 2

 

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time: 128.6 pounds. I gained 20 pounds since moving to Monroe! That 20 pounds represents days and nights of emotional stuffing and repressing. 20 pounds of food addiction wreaking havoc on my being. Needless to say, I am quite saddened and disappointed; however, the news reaffirms and reinforces my decision to embark upon the fast. I prayed and asked God to liberate me from my food addiction. I know there is much work to be done for this to happen both during and after my fast. I dedicate this fast to God.

 

In the morning, I gave away my remaining food and produce to coworkers and food charities. This is a necessary step for me to reduce temptation. What good is ripe fruit going to do me when I am not eating?

 

I also decided that I will be doing daily enemas during this fast. Previously on my first extended water fast, I experienced severe nausea throughout the day and night. I know that has to do with the water softening and loosening impactions in my bowels, and as the digestive system comes to a halt, some of that matter is not able to be released on its own. Some people can make it through a fast without the use of enemas, and have sufficient elimination early on. But this time, I am not risking it. I want to be able to fast as long as I need to.

 

I felt a lot less sad today. I am reminded of the powerful food-mood connection. Yesterday, I was literally coming down from all the heavy vegan food I ate Saturday.

 

Physical symptoms included: white tongue, bad breath, headache upon waking, fatigue, slightly less depressed affect, and nausea around 4pm. I also hurt my finger. I noticed it swelling up Saturday, and then Sunday it was full-blown swollen and quite large. I am eager to see how that heals.

 

I created the following wish list of meaningful elements of my future as an exercise in my health coaching course:

  • having a soul partner who is beautiful, loving, kind, and complements me well.
  • achieving and maintaining a lean, light, free, and thin body.
  • eating clean with true food sobriety and freedom from food addiction.
  • practicing yoga and meditation.
  • having a group of people I meditate with and a spiritual teacher.
  • having/creating/cultivating a community of like-minded and like-hearted individuals.
  • living in community with these individuals in a way that is equitable, fair, and feels good.
  • traveling a lot (Australia, Thailand, South America, and more).
  • writing a lot and making a living from it.
  • helping a lot of people and making a living from it.
  • financial security.
  • debt-free.
  • starting a family of my own with a soul partner and children.

 

At my job, I struggled with feelings of disappointment and boredom. I began applying for some jobs at Whole Foods in areas I would like to live (e.g. Colorado, Arizona, and California). Then, another part of me kicked in, resolving to stick it out in my current job for at least 6 months and in my current apartment townhome through the end of my lease in June. I go back and forth on this A LOT!

 

I needed to meditate, and realized I was being obsessive and spiraling out of control into crazyland trying to figure out how to get out of here and change my situation. What I needed to do is let down my resistance and BE in my present situation. I cried and cried at work. Fortunately, I can do this, as I have my own secluded office space. The mental craziness and obsessive thinking inspired me to write about Life ADHD.

 

After writing, I felt a lot better. I sank into my pain instead of trying to change it. I chased it away by describing it. I am grateful to Sri Mati for her wonderful podcast on chasing pain. I also had a headache, and it magically went away when I stopped stressing and began accepting what is!

 

Module 3 of my health coaching course introduced me to Lissa Rankin, M.D., a quite inspiring speaker, author, and medical doctor who healed herself. She asks her clients and audiences, “What does your body need in order to heal?” My answer: a meaningful career, soul community, meditation, yoga, creativity, nature, and a soul family. She also asks, “What does your body need you to say no to?” In other words, what people, places, situations, and things do you need to set boundaries with? I’ll keep those answers to myself for now, but let's just say I am getting a lot of practice with boundary-setting.

 

While boundary-setting is critically important to healthy relationships, they must be balanced with and present in the context of stable, mutually beneficial connections. According to Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., anxiety is triggered by ruptured connection. Ha, that explains a lot! When I feel isolated and lonely, I often feel anxious, which triggers the use of food to dull out the anxiety. Makes sense. The antidote then to food addiction is targeting the anxiety or other negative emotion by releasing the emotion and expressing it via human connection.

 

After work, I shared beautiful, healing heart connection with my loving friend and Al-anon sponsor. We talked and talked and saw and accepted one another as we are. We exchanged validation and true presence. Relationships like this are the driving force propelling human existence.

 

My friend and I attended the ACA meeting together, and I waited until the very end of the meeting to share. I knew that if I opened my mouth I would cry, as I had shed many tears earlier at work and talking to her. I gave voice to my feelings, and the tears poured out. For the first time in accessible memory, I really, truly cried in front of a group of people. I was vulnerable and open. The fellowship held tremendous space for me, and I saw the tears in their eyes as I shared. In the end, we exchanged many deep hugs, and I picked out the woman I would like as my ACA sponsor.

 

I cannot express enough how healing and transformative it is to be completely raw and vulnerable in front of a group of loving people who understand and validate your innermost truth and pain, and hold you in unconditional love and acceptance, no matter who you are or what you share.

 

Needless to say, I will keep going back to ACA meetings, and pledge to dive headfirst into the ACA program. Clearly, I need it. I feel this program can save my life and help me create the life of my dreams.

 

To cap off the day, I went to yin, which cemented all the healing and release of the day. I relaxed so deeply that I dissociated completely in the ending yoga nidra sequence.

 

The real mission of the fast entered my consciousness: to learn how to nourish myself truly instead of relying on addiction to get by, to survive. I am learning! Hooray!

 

I am so grateful that my dear friend offered to accompany me to Colorado for a long road trip and emotionally loaded experience. I will be visiting my family home there that I have not been to in about 3 years. It has been on the market for over a year, and will be sold April 29. The home represents many lost dreams for my family, as my parents are now divorced, and I have no relationship with either of them currently. I will definitely be taking my friend up on her offer as a safeguard against whatever damage I may inflict on myself otherwise. Plus, it’ll be fun with her!

 

At the end of the night, I made a gratitude list, and it was super duper long. May all beings be happy, healthy, whole, safe, free from suffering, and at peace. Namaste.

Published by Taylor Norris