One of the most frequently questions I get asked from women is that why is it so hard for men to show their feelings? or Why he act like he doesn't care? And the answer to this is pretty simple. It’s because they doesn’t want to. If a man wanted to express his feelings, he would do it in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of that prevent men from communicating. He might be shy. He might be apprehensive. Or he might be preoccupied with other things. There are a lot of reasons why a man isn't expressing himself openly to you, but the thing is, you can't control other people behavior.
It’s even more difficult when someone expects somebody to communicate in a specific way, when it’s not how he would normally react to that type of situation, this is the issue about some women wanting their guys to be more open and in tune with their feelings. Let's talk about this, Casanova Style!
Men are a different breed than women, because they were raised differently than women. They were told by society not to show feelings and they were told by their fathers not to do what girls do. Even though the line between genders is getting more and more thinner by the years, many men still feel they have to behave a certain way in order to retain their masculinity.
But What Do Women Really Want?
When women complain about their man being too cold or indifferent, they’re not asking them to show emotion. They’re demanding for them to show affection.
There is an obvious difference between the two, yet men still get the reputation of having a hearts of stone. That’s because affection is, in itself, a show of emotion. If it’s not present, people immediately assume that the person has no feelings, whatsoever.
Just because someone is not willing to show their emotions that doesn't mean that they doesn't have feelings. The normal state of the human mind pushes us to show emotions because it aides in our survival. If a person is literally emotionless, they’re either not real, or they’re leaning toward sociopathic behavior.
The truth is, men constantly express their feelings. It’s just not the way that women want them to. Admittedly, more and more people are breaking the barriers and relieving themselves of the status quo, but the fact remains that some women are still wondering why they have to give it up, why can’t men just change, instead?
Why can’t they have romance, while still getting paid the same wage as men? Why can’t they get compassion, while still being hailed as an independent individual? Women want love, but men aren’t as willing to give it.
Why Are Men Reluctant to Show and Express Affection?
Let’s go back to the first complaint: why do guys act like they don’t care? Psychologists are just as baffled as you are, which is why they decided to look into why men are reluctant to get in touch with their sensitive side.
Some studies showed that men were cautious of women who insisted that they show their true feelings. The reason is that when they finally express themselves, their partners failed to receive the gesture positively. Most women do not know how to handle an emotional man, yet they still insist on openness, and more often than not, are not ready for the fallout.
Take this for example, when a man finally cries. Usually, this only happens in a highly emotional situations. Women ask for men who say - “I love you” - They are rarely ready for a man who says - “I am in pain. Please help me” -
It’s a shock to see someone who you perceive as your protector admitting that they cannot defeat. It feels like a threat to your whole being, because if anything happens to you, whether physically or emotionally, your guy is too incapacitated to help you.
It’s even more damaging when women don’t acknowledge the effort that men made to show their feelings to them. Most women end up being either petrified or horrified when it finally dawns on them that men are capable of intense emotions.
This just goes to show that you may be asking for more openness, but not necessarily everything that comes with it. Women say they want men to show their feelings, but only certain feelings and in small doses, so little that it might not even be considered opening up at all!
So, whose fault is it?
It’s nobody’s fault. This is how society evolved. If you can wait a little bit longer, things might change. But for now, you’ll have to wait for a man who is not so stuck in the traditional norms that are imposed upon them.
They’re actually experiencing what is called a “double-bind.” Society is pushing them to break out of their shells by being more emotionally expressive, yet when they do, they are perceived as poorly-adjusted.
The problem is that men have been conditioned not to express themselves for so long that the very idea of them showing fear, vulnerability, or sensitivity can be overwhelming for those who witness it.
Still, there is a silver lining. Since we’re also talking about how other people perceive men when they show emotion, a positive reaction might encourage them to be more open in the future. If they can express themselves without being judged, there wouldn’t be a need for a show of indifference.
With that in mind, maybe it’s time everybody started accepting the fact that men have just as many feelings as women do. And don’t go blaming hormones for the mismatch; men are carrying a boatload of the most aggression inducing hormone there is, testosterone. So, it’s probably a good thing that men don’t menstruate like women do.
What can women do to deal with an indifferent man?
If you’re already dating a guy who’s reluctant to show his emotions, here are your options:
Number #1 - Talk to Him About It
Discuss with him your need for more openness and communication in the relationship. This it’s not going to be easy, especially if he is used to being a person that can endure emotional pain without showing his feelings or complaining about it, this will be a huge challenge for you, but you should take on that challenge and be honest about your needs.
Number #2 - Know How to Express Yourself
Know when and what questions to ask. Just because he isn’t expressive that doesn't mean that he won’t answer your questions about how he is feeling. Let him know that he can trust you and that you won't judge or flip out from whatever he tells you.
Number #3 - Don’t Pry
If you don’t get the answer you’re expecting or looking for, it simply means that he doesn’t know what to say or how to explain his feelings to you. Respect his privacy, and move on with your day.
Number #4 - Observe Him
Even though guys don’t express themselves the usual way, they do so using other outlets: They convert their feelings. For example, instead of being sad, a man might express it as anger or testiness.
They put their feelings into other activities. It can be sports, hobbies, or even just going out for some air. Their emotions can manifest as physical pain. Sometimes a headache or a backache can be caused by stresses that he can’t express verbally.
Number #5 - Accept His Decision
Remember that you can't change how he choose to express his feelings. You can only tell him how you feel about it and hope that he make a positive shift in your relationship, but there’s no guarantee that it will work. For now, you can comfort yourself with the fact that he does feel something. He just doesn’t know how to show it.
Number #6 - Move On
If you can’t accept it, do the honorable thing and stop dating someone you can’t connect with. The first thing that you should consider is dating a guy who doesn’t care about what other people think. And when you do, make sure that you’re as open as you want him to be. It would be hypocritical of you to demand vulnerability, while remaining hidden, yourself.
Although there are countless tips and advices you can search online about making men more open with their emotions, many women find themselves genuinely at a loss about men’s feelings. My general advice for both men and women is this - "Show More Emotion" - I hope that the steps above can help women either overcome their need for more affection, or encourage their men to open up, little by little, I Am Alex Mercedes and Remember that is not about finding the right person, but on working to build the right relationship.
Published by Alex Mercedes