The Girl I'll Never Really Know

The Girl I'll Never Really Know

People suck. 


Sometimes in your life, you will come across a person and become infatuated with them. It could be love, lust, admiration, or simply curiosity. It's a person that's so different from you that it almost feels like the first time seeing a new creature. It gives you that shock and awe and puts a little fire in your belly. You just want to be around them and you just want to know more. Usually, this person doesn't feel the same way about you. Which puts you in a weird situation. You want to be around them and ask questions, but you know you need to remain calm about it. 


I've met my fair share amount of people. Typically my infatuation doesn't have to do with love or lust. It usually isn't admiration but sometimes it is. The majority of people I've felt this way has always been involved with my damn curiosity. I use a curse word because sometimes I really wish my brain didn't need to know all the answers. I wish I was content with the basic knowledge of human beings. It just simply doesn't work that way and I lose sleep over it. 


Traditionally when I feel this way about a person I find a way for them to open up to me. They tell me about their lives and I really start to learn how they think. I figure out what drives them to be the way they are. Just like a having a crush eventually fizzles out, they just become another person instead of a special creature. I wish it would have worked out that way this time. Now I feel miserable for being completely wrong.


This latest infatuation revolves around a complex girl. I like to pride myself on being able to judge character of people pretty well. I moved to a new area about six months ago and was slowly learning about all the people I came across on a regular basis. I was struggling to adapt to my new job, but I was thriving at getting to know all the people. On occasion I have been known to be a little invasive because I'm a really blunt person. Fast forward those six months and I pretty much have a short hand or topic to discuss with the majority of my coworkers and peers. 


Well there was one that was my unicorn. For whatever reason I just couldn't figure her out. My first instincts told me to stay away. I knew that it was trouble but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to learn more. When my first attempts didn't yield any fruits, like anyone with an infatuation, I doubled down. I tried harder and harder to understand who she was and why she acted that way. Many times I was turned down to the point that she made me angry. I really felt sorry for her. Here she was this pretty girl who lacks common social skills. She always seems to be upset and depressed. She's high strung and usually a little bitchy. On the rare occasions that she was nice, she was  fun to be around. I assumed that the reason why the majority of our coworkers didn't get along with her was because she was always acting bitchy. They all seem to tip toe around her so as to not to be the one to set off the explosion. For better or worse, I've never been that way. I'm not afraid of a confrontation. 


I've also always been the guy that if someone is standing alone outside the group I'm going to form an olive branch and extend an invitation to the group. I've been in their shoes before and often times it's not a nice feeling left out of the group. It doesn't matter if the group is cool or interesting or not. It's just nice to be included in the loop. I thought I was in the work loop, but boy was I wrong. 


It turns out about the time that I started working this new job, the unicorn had just turned 21. She went out with two other people from work. They were a couple. The three of them were like the three amigos. The couple had moved to this area when our store opened almost two years ago. They have been together around five years I believe. When a rumor got out that the guy might be ready to propose, that is right around the time the sh*t hits the fan. The unicorn hears about it and freaks out. Secretly the unicorn is having an affair with this guy even though the girl is one of her best friends. The other girl happens to come across some text messages the unicorn has sent to her boyfriend and then things get complicated. 


I don't really know the whole story. Frankly I'm not sure I ever will get the whole story, but I feel like a fool. Here I was for months trying to get to know this girl in hopes of her being less miserable at work. I was hoping she'd change a little bit and be happier. I was even trying to tell people to be less mean and show some compassion. And this whole time it feels like the majority of people knew something that I didn't. They had a valid reason to be mad at her. What she did and what this guy did is unforgivable. I don't know how you possibly do that to your best friend while also cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend at the same time. It makes me sick. It literally makes me sick. I've had a pit in my stomach ever since I found out. She's not a unicorn anymore. She's a donkey with a plunger tapped to her face. 


Now the bigger issue arises for me. I'm mad about it and I'm hurt by it. The problem is I have no right to bring something up from six months ago that it seems all parties have moved on from. It's really none of my business, but I somehow still feel guilty about it. I'm not a passive aggressive person. When I'm upset about something and someone asks me about it I just go off. I spill out my guts. It doesn't matter if I should or shouldn't say something I just let it all out. I don't feel like I can forgive her until I have her side of the story. But until I do have her side of the story I'm stuck in this limbo of hating her, but also having to act normal. I don't really know what to do.


It's really hard for me to give up on a person. It doesn't matter how mean or how bad they have been. It's just been instilled in me somehow. But this might be a case where I do give up. I've already felt like I've been manipulated by her on occasions. She never communicates properly with me. I just feel stuck. If I turn her away I'll never really get to know her. She does seem like an interesting person even with all her flaws. Nothing is really going to change either. I'll still be forced to see her and be around her every week. I will still have to be civil or else it will be incredibly awkward. I don't plan on moving or transferring to a new job or store until at least the end of October. Do you have any suggestions reader? 

Published by Brian Argetsinger

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