I Wish You Nothing But the Worst

An open letter to April Rachor Broyles (Cubs fan):

My dearest April,

Allow me to express my condolences for last night's victory. Words can hardly express my supreme sense of loss for your win.

Last night leaves you, baseball and America on the brink of catastrophe. It is a disruption to the universe and ultimately it does harm, not just to the Dodgers and tradition, but to the Cubs themselves.

The Dodgers are winners, ground-breakers, achievers; Robinson, Koufax, Gibson and Scully (God rest his soul). It is the natural order of things.

The Cubs are and have been for 108 years, losers. It's what they do and they do it well, so well that they even outlasted Boston. Their loserness and the resulting anguish is the cement which binds them and their wonderful, patient, enduring, endlessly hopeful fans together. To lose is their nature and to rob them of it, to rob them of their essence is to harm all of America. I have no wish to harm you. I love you just as I love to watch the Cubs lose even as I root for them to win.

Imagine for a moment if the Cubs were to win the World Series. Taste it...
and then spit it out of your mouth immediately. They would become another mindless statistic on a page of many slipping into oblivion...the Marlins.

A history of success has its sorrows. One more example of greatness among many greats ends up looking like mediocrity...the Yankees; reviewing their wins, page after page...monotony.

Boston; once they won, they lost their legacy just as the Cubs will lose their legacy if they win and I would never wish that on you, Chicago, the Cubs or the world. I would never wish you to be raped and robbed of your natural identity.

So, dream of a Cub victory. By all means, imagine a World Series win. Wrap yourself in the warmth of that fantasy. Share it with your children and your children's children in stories and letters and phone calls for years to come. Yearn, but leave winning to the imagination where it belongs and allow the the Cubs their amazing, wondrous, spectacular and eternal legacy of loss for to do otherwise is to destroy them, their fans, baseball and all of America.

I wish you nothing but the worst.

Your loving cousin, 
Peter.