Coercion = Rape

As most of you know, I frequently watch and read things I don’t agree with, or know (or am fairly certain, at the very least, I won’t agree with) to gather writing ideas and – more importantly – make sure the information I present is as little biased as possible.

Obviously, it is impossible to present an unbiased opinion – something I’ve mentioned before.

It’s also why I started Carla’s Facts To Consider – because facts are facts.

And whilst I have opinions on the matter, my intention isn’t to persuade you.

It’s my intention to give you the facts, and whatever opinion you form from them is on you.

This one obviously has trigger warnings, so please proceed with caution.

Anyway, like I recently mentioned, I started watching 16 and Pregnant. Or Teen Mom. I can’t remember which.

Possibly bits of both.

I hate reality TV. Really hate it.

Almost as much as I hate Dr Phil (but I felt that a great post eventuated from that).

One of the episodes I was watching, a girl, who was extremely religious, had fallen pregnant to her boyfriend.

Whilst she was extremely grateful for her baby, her pregnancy made her want to be closer with god and focus on celibacy (obviously something she hadn’t quite been so successful with earlier).

In the beginning, her boyfriend agreed. He said he loved her and would wait until they were married.

Except that’s not how he acted.

After convincing her to move in with him (although her stipulation was that they sleep in different rooms) he started blaming his moodiness on the lack of sex he was having.

He then refused to hold his baby for four days because no sex and gender roles.

Yes, seriously.

I’m talking about a twenty-year-old man not holding his son once in four daysbecause sex.

Oh, and he has work.

She tried to talk calmly with him, discuss other methods, and remind him that there was more than just sex to their relationship.

He then told her every guy had his breaking point and that he’d gotten her to move in because he hoped she’d slip and he could take advantage of her.

Yes, really.

When she said no, he flipped out and threatened to leave her.

His apology consisted of telling her that if she didn’t have his son – the one he wouldn’t hold because his son, his three month old son, can’t be a ‘pussy’ and ‘needs to learn independence’ (yes, for real) – he wouldn’t be with her because sex. (Please remind how feminists are the problem here.)

Firstly, while it’s hard to pass judgement as I’m sure some of the conflict was staged and the worst and most dramatic parts are mostly edited for drama and entertainment, but I strongly feel that this is an abusive relationship.

There’s just so many red flags.

He’s controlling, demanding and possessive.

He has rigid gender roles that are put in place for both his son (who can’t be a pussy because he should have learnt independence by three months, damnit!) and his girlfriend who needs to do everything else without any help.

He won’t touch his son.

He gets angry whenever his son cries.

To me, while some may claim bad editing, I feel that that’s a fair representation.

I felt like I was watching – at the very least – the beginning of an abusive relationship.

Which is really important to understand – because the red flags aren’t always obvious.

There’s also so many different types of abusive relationships, and they always present differently.

Please be aware.

Secondly, coercing someone into sex is rape.

Thirdly, why do you want sex that badly? What the hell is so wrong with you? And why do you want to pressure someone into saying yes? Who doesn’t want to? Who isn’t ready?

Regardless of whatever your fucked up reasoning is, the fact is coercion is rape.

Originally published on The Melodramatic Confessions of Carla Louise.

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John Oliver’s video: Feelings Are Not Facts