Society tends to define 'a woman' by everything she does or doesn't do in accordance with the challenges facing society as a whole at the time. In the Eras before the feminist movements she was considered a good woman if she could keep a home and act demure and fiery when deemed fit. Post feminist movement she was considered strong and assertive in certain circles if she go fight for herself, a feat of no small measure at the time. In other circles in that same era she was considered ill-trained and a social misfit for having those traits. Moving forward into our generation we find the definition of a real woman becoming more and more specific, does this suggestion a bit of personal preference rather than the rule?
I came across some articles in the past and would like to discuss them with regards to who society classifies as the real women. First, a write-up by an author whom I shall leave anonymous. The write-up is below
WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR MIND LADY?
If all you spend time doing is daydreaming about dating a tall, dark and handsome guy who wears the best of perfumes,designer clothes and shoes… If all you concentrate on is how, you’d relax at the front seat of his jeep with other ladies looking on with envy… If all you wish is a romantic guy that will spoil you with gifts, outings at the best eateries and movies every Saturday… You might as well be the only actress in your movie!
WAKE UP and smell the coffee because REAL WOMEN are out there making millions,blessing people and gathering enough capacity to be a double blessing to that fortunate man that finds them for a wife!
Whilst I agree with the write-up in part, I find that it paints the picture that a woman who isn’t a commander of resources or in some administrative position isn’t a woman of substance. An opposite of what was accepted in the past when a woman who wasn’t able to keep a home spick and span, raise good children and act in socially accepted ways wasn’t considered a Real woman.
We must be careful because such beliefs breed competition, strife, envy, discontentment and general ingratitude for the things we have. Your life mustn’t inspire, your life mustn’t bless others financially, it mustn’t lead others, it mustn’t be talked about in admiration. But it must be the best that you can make it, you owe it to yourself(and God) to achieve that. Should you in the cause of becoming “the best you,” inspire, bless or lead others then that’s an added bonus.
The second article was describes another phenomena which is slowly becoming the benchmark for a strong feminist woman.
The African-American R&B singer NE-YO sang “something so sexy about a woman that don’t need me but wants me” and I totally agree. Only problem I have with our lovely hard-working women is that like all who taste freedom for the first time they overstep at a few points, they think they are in competition with men. For example I asked a girl out on a date and it was lovely, we spoke of a lot of things it could have been perfect if it just went on like that but I had to go and ask for the bill and she started struggling to pay half and was aggressive about it, I was immediately put off . Why? Because it was a date which I asked her out on, it wasn’t some platonic chills.I have no problems with a woman who wants to pay bills, no way! Just be sure you call me up first and say “let’s go get dinner, my treat’’ and I’ll show up ready to eat, hell I might let you open doors for me LOL.
I do not blame ladies who find themselves in the above scenario, I blame today’s society. It paints the picture that a girl who lets you get the bill is a cheapskate and the one who wants to go “dutch” or pick up the bill is an assertive woman. And, it’s not just men who perpetuate this belief, women as well do so even more viciously/maliciously. Going dutch isn't an aberration neither should it be non verbal adjective for assertive or hardworking.
Let’s face it women regardless of age, height, sexual orientation or belief (feminist/ non-feminist) still crave romantic gestures every now and then. What counts as romantic to one person might not be romantic to another, we all have different love languages.
Romance is not the preserve of a woman who does everything right or works hard. It’s not a reward… it’s an act of passion by a man who loves his woman. It’s meant to say you are that special one who makes me act goofy just to see you smile with love.
I mean even Disney shares my views sometimes the lady is a princess (Cinderella) other times a regular citizen (Megara), sometimes she’s very strong and fiery (Pocahontas) other times she’s gentle and sweet (Snow white). Whatever the case she still finds romance in the end.
As regards money and payments, leadership and the rest, each couple must work out what suits them best. They must find a way to maximize each others strength and opportunities. All fingers are not equal, women have different capacities and life paths; thus the measure of a Real woman should be determined by the extent to which each pursues their best possible life.
Published by Chioma Nwafor