Not Real Special


I believe certain people were meant to do certain things in the course of their lives. There is an innate tenacity for a particular skill or talent, a draw in them since childhood toward a certain field or activity that starts out as an unexplained obsession, and morphs into a hobby and then a career path and then a way of life. Maybe it's the purest form of what we would term a calling. I am not one of those people.

I am earning a dual certification in nursing. If you asked me in high school if I could see myself in the medical field (much less when I was a little girl playing with my stuffed Barney and dressing up as Laura Ingalls), I would have vehemently shook my head 'NO' and went on to explain that there are two professions which I would avoid like the plague: engineering and medical. Despite math being one of my highest scoring classes my whole life (an enigma I still struggle to solve to this very day), I was and still am determined to avoid all instances that would require me to solve a mathematical equation for money. The medical field was about as foreign to me as the concept of eating a scorpion on a stick. That is intimidating and difficult and awkward and I didn't understand it.

Writing has always been something I enjoy, but I have never been the best at it by far. Everything sounds better in my head and once I get an idea onto paper and read it back to myself, the first thought that pops into my head is, "thank God nobody heard that." I've never been sporty (as demonstrated by my numerous attempts at running to third base in t-ball and my over competitive yet slightly slow reaction time in basketball), I have never been great with a paintbrush in my hand (say hello, RoseArt water-color pallet), and I have definitely never been brave enough to be so outspoken as to be the next Sarah Palin. I over-idealize things, I have chronic migraines and eyes like an albino. I think we could safely say I've never been very naturally adept at much.

Why am I writing about myself as if I'm a little plain piece of notebook paper, you ask?? Because I do indeed have a point to make.

I realize I'm not the only one! I know people who see themselves the same way. And I know the ones who have a strong natural bent toward a specific area. My little brother is one of them. He is cool, calm, and collected in high-stress situations, he enjoys physical labor and long hours and problem solving. So naturally he's training to be a firefighter paramedic. I have another friend who is about the most athletic girl I know and always has been. She owns on a volleyball court, she plays powderpuff football better than most guys can, and she took her softball team to the championship. Now she's looking at a sports scholarship to a christian university. I'm so proud of them and love to see them succeed.

Even though you may not be the best at any particular thing, it's so important to know your assets. I have a really active imagination (which may or may not be a curse as well as a blessing), I have this deep rooted desire to make things better for people in practical ways (hence the nursing thing), and my tendency to idealize some things makes it possible to enjoy them even more (rose-colored glasses are fabulous). From a Christian perspective, I think being this kind of person is a huge opportunity to be used by Jesus in the lives of other people to make a positive and lasting impact. I'm a blank page for Jesus to write what brings the ones he loves closer to him. The clean slate that my life seems to be is only a way to express who Jesus is more clearly, since any good thing or shining accomplishment that my life produces is unmistakably due to God's goodness and faithfulness.

Nope, I'm not beating myself up, and I'm not ragging on people who are sure about their talents. Both are excellent and good and right. Just make sure that you don't get down on yourself for not being special. Remember that God called all he made good simply because he made it, not because it did something awesome.


Published by Christina Rowland


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