One thing that I haven't really alluded to very much on this blog (or any blog, for that matter) is my battle with depression. Back before I started getting involved with vaping, I went through a long stretch of uncertainty and going through the motions. It's a scary thing to feel like you are on autopilot during 99 percent of your week, whether its doing data entry for a big manufacturing company or taking care of people's health (and during that length of time...I was doing both).
My wife could see that my fire had almost dissipated. I was a shell of a human being going through the automaton movements. So one day while driving to dinner, she asked my the question "What is your passion?"
I was awestruck at the question. All of my focus had been on making her happy, tending to what she asked, and making sure she was happy. I thought it was somewhat of an insult.
"Honey, my passion is you. It's making you happy."
She said "That's not what I mean. If something happens to me, or to us, what keeps you going? What gives you a reason to get out of bed and to keep doing what you do? Because right now, this isn't it."
At this point, I was insulted. I took what she said to heart and thought on it for a while. In fact, it's something that I come back to from time to time. I sometimes get it blended with the episode called "Passion" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Angel has a monologue weaved throughout the episode on passion, and it's something that piqued my curiosity. Could it be that I haven't had passion through most of my life? During the few moments I thought I had it, did I not follow through enough? Or was it even real to begin with?
I talk about this because I feel like I had found a strong sense of passion and dedication to the vaping community. I realize that a lot of you guys may not completely understand where I am coming from on this, so just bare with me.
It seemed like the gift of something to feel passionate about landed in my lap around July of last year. I had tried a few vape flavors, and felt like I had found something special. Like this device was going to make a huge difference in my life. My depression kicked in two solid times, got me to put down the vape, and drove me back to smoking (almost more than a pack a day). The last time drew me to such a tailspin of darkness in my head, I didn't want to continue. It's almost like I could feel my brain trying to figure out a way out and to end it all. On multiple occasions, I would zone out while laying on the bed and just try to wish my brain and my body to shut off. I was tired of feeling so alone and not having that fire to keep me going.
Then I remembered one day in the shower, I told myself that enough is enough. I wasn't going to keep putting myself into a dark corner without looking back. I needed to follow this vaping "thing" and see where it leads.
As I started to open the proverbial box, I kept finding more layers of awesome people, awesome products, and people who were passionate about making a difference. They wanted to help people, not to make a million dollars off of their individual product. Here are people who legitimately want to make a difference in this world, without asking for a single thing in return.
I knew right then that this is where I belong.
As crushing as these regulations are, and the drama that unfolds with any large group of people, I know that my passion is here. To help spread the word about this sense of community that actually does exist out there. People want to believe in the good of mankind like it's a myth. It's not a myth, it actually does exist within this community.
Believe it or not, you guys have saved my life in more ways than one...
Until next time....
Published by Coffee Fuel