Note: The story below is in no way intended to be an addition of or distortion of the nativity account written in Scripture. This is not meant to be an exact, academic account of Mary’s thoughts and feelings—this is simply written as a journal entry of what Mary may have been feeling and thinking in light of the facts we are given in the Gospels and historical documents. Please do not take this as anything other than speculation as to what it may have been like to be in Mary’s shoes.
I may not have believed it – if I hadn’t seen it so vividly with own eyes. I would say that this is the kind of thing one might expect from a dream, except I’m not sure even a dream could cover the absurdity of this situation. If I told any of my friends, I’m pretty sure they’d think I’ve lost it – and that’s the best-case-scenario.
I mean, virgins don’t get pregnant. They just don’t. And they certainly don’t get pregnant with the Awaited One —the man my entire country has waited centuries for. Why would God choose me of all of the girls in the world to carry His Son? What makes Him think that I’m fit for something so great?
I’m just your average girl on the brink of adulthood (But don’t get me started on that). I laugh too loud when I’m nervous and sometimes I cry from joy rather than sadness. I grew up in a humble little town where literally nothing ever happens and I’ve had the same neighbors since birth. Nazareth isn’t a place that’s big or flashy or important, it’s a small town — a town where everyone knows everyone else.* It’s not the kind of place that would bare someone so important. It’s not the kind of town where an ordinary girl becomes the mother to her Savior.
Juse writing those words sends chills up my spine. Somehow, writing things like this down make them seem more real, more concrete. This is really happening — I’m really going to become pregnant with a child who is, as the angel put it, “The Son of God”*.
I want to be happy about this — I really do. I am for the most part. But the other part of me is scared, terrified even. How will my parents react to this—their clean-cut daughter becoming pregnant without being married? How will my friends react—will they even talk to me any more? And what about Joseph? He’s bound to think that I’ve been unfaithful, there’s no other way of interpreting this kind of thing. I know I did nothing wrong, but I’m not sure anyone else will believe me. There’s a very real chance that I could even be killed for something like this. But even if that doesn’t happen, the public shame that’s certain to come will be a certain death in itself. Just yesterday, the only big event that I had in my near future was the upcoming wedding. Now, not only will I soon be a wife, I’ll be a mom too.
It’s all just happening so fast. I like Joseph, I really do! He’s a great guy who lives his whole life for the Lord. He’s a hard worker and a kind, sensitive soul. But I just wish there was a little more time – more of a chance to get to know him before marrying him.
There’s so much I wish he knew about me. Like, how I draw in the sand to make sense of life around me. Or how sometimes, once everyone has gone to sleep, I climb up the old olive tree outside my house and wonder what’s out there, outside of my hometown. Or how often, when I’m tending to the animals, I wonder how aware they are of life around them.
And I want to know about him too – what he does when he’s not studying or working with his father…where he sees our life going in the future…what his favorite pastime is..the secrets that he’s never told anyone. I just feel like you should know these things about a person who you know is going to be so significant in your life.
I wish I could talk to him about these sort of things, but I have a feeling that he wouldn’t understand. Joseph has always been quick to accept others’ expectations of him. He’s responsible, level headed, and never seems to to be jilted by anything. Well, up until now, that is. How he’ll respond to this situation is anyone’s guess.
This pregnancy is about to change everything. My life will never look the same again. Never again will I be a young child—I’m about to have a child. But, do you want to know the craziest thing about all of this? Somewhere, deep down, I still have a certain peace. If everything is as the angel says it is, than the Lord is with me in very real way. He has His hand on this and what’s about to happen is all for His glory. It’s about Him.
It always has been.
It always will be.
Published by Courtney Whitaker