For me I have always struggled to fit in with the others around me, this wasn’t really an issue while I was studying at secondary school because I was able to cope using my various coping strategies that I had developed over the various years. I was managing to cope relatively alright though school I had a wide variety of friends that I could talk to and have a laugh with them, things were working really well I was feeling like I fitted in with people.
However, this all changed when I started my new apprenticeship. As part of the training needed for my job I had to spend some time on a residential as I was going to a specialist training centre that is based in Hull, for me this was a massive shock to the system. I had no idea how I was going to cope with living on my own with a group of people who were older than me and who all had different backgrounds, I spent the first few weeks continuing as I did when I was in secondary school but it wasn’t working for me and I felt like I couldn’t talk with anyone about how I was feeling.
As a result of not been able to talk to anyone I was feeling more and more stressed about how I was interacting with my other work colleagues. All of the stress that I was experiencing caused me to have a seizure in September, this put me out of work for over a month. When I returned to work I had to make some changes to the way I was coping with my inability to cope with social integrations, one of the ways that I stared to change was to change my personality to suit other people so that they would like me and that I could feel like finally was fitting in with people.
Every person that I worked with on a daily basis had experienced a different personality from me, I could be talking to one person one way then be talking a different person differently and acting differently from the first person. I kept changing my Personality for many months and it was become exhausting to be constantly changing who I was just to feel like I was able to fit in with the people who I worked with, It was effecting my sleep and was starting to affect my college work as I was become less and less focused upon the work as I was still tired from the lack of sleep. I hadn’t been able to get a full night of sleep for weeks as I was always worried about trying to fit into the group, I had developed a form of paranoia and as a result I was always suspicious of what people were saying about me.
This continued for several months constantly changing how I acted just so that I could feel like I fitted in with my work colleagues. It wasn’t until I started to have weekly sessions with a therapist that I realised how much I was struggling with the constant changing of my personality. Thanks to the help of my therapist I stopped changing my personality to suit others and instead I kept my personality the same no matter who I was hanging around with. As soon as I stopped changing something extraordinary happened, I felt like I was part of the group and people were excepting the type of person that I was, my sleep returned to normal and my focus had drastically improved. My life had returned to how it used to be and I was happy. I now feel closer than ever to the rest of the group, I’m surprised how quickly things changed when I stopped tying to be someone that I’m not and started to focus on the real me.
Published by Dan Calvert