I forgot how to feel, and a 2017 bucketlist

"At the end of the day,
your feet should be dirty, your hair
messy, and your eyes sparkling." - Shanti

I sat there staring at this beautiful quote. This hadn't been happening. I knew that deep down, I wasn't feeling this way. And at the start of a New Year, it's the last way I wanted to feel. But reading that quote shook something inside.

I am done. I am done. I am done.

 I am done repeating patterns that have become habitual. I am done engaging in toxic relationships because I felt that no one worth it would come along. I am done with men telling me what's "wrong" with me, why I need to take a good look in the mirror.

And here lies the most beautiful opportunity after I've dived into the same insane patterns over and over: I remember that I can choose again. I want something to change...but what? I'd racked my brain resolutions for this New Year, yet 'd been hesitant to come up with any. I know myself better than to set "goals" for myself - primarily because my plans almost never happen the way I expect them to (read: life in general, anyone?)

 I've been craving solitude, diving deeper; stronger connections with friends and family.  I'm desiring an infinite depth of strength, sense of self, and passion. I don't think that I've lost those meta qualities about myself, but they have definitely been buried through ego trips, the self-doubt; indulging in relationships I knew weren't good for me, but only satisfying by external circumstances. But it's time that I take heed to me inner truth detector and listen to what my soul truly wants: adventure.

So, out of being a little crossed between "fed up" and realizing something's gotta change, I came up with a (still-growing) adventure list for 2017 - because resolut

  1. Take a new class every one or two weeks to throw myself out of my comfort zone and shake up routine. First class to try: Burlesque dancing.
  2. Solo trip to San Francisco. Go to several coffee shops and eat my heart out.
  3. Get back to Honolulu.
  4. BUTI Yoga Certification. ---> this one really intimidates me, but I love this practice
  5. Rock-wall-climbing.
  6. Ballroom dancing classes/tango. But this one already relates to #1. 
  7. Start a donation-based non-profit ballet class organization for underpriveleged children.
  8. Write always...even if it doesn't sound right.

And... I don't have a " 9 or 10" just yet. It isn't a perfect list. But if there's anything I can do to pull myself out of this strange, self-induced rut... it could be this. It could be a signal that adventuring and leaping into the unknown is what my very soul needs at this point in time.

Published by Dani Savka

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