How to Date If You're Okay With Never Seeing Them Again

10 tips from someone who has never been on a date.

1. Don't listen to music on a first date.
   • If it ends badly you can end up with PTSD to the song "Into You" by Ariana Grande.
2. Ask them about their ex.
   • They want to talk about them, I'm sure of it.
3. Tell them your most embarrassing story. 
   • Please post it somewhere online where I can read it. I need to know I'm not the only one who has tried to kick ball downhill but missed and slipped on the ball and rolled all the way down the hill. Also something about vulnerability blah, blah, who cares.
4. Make sure they know it's a date beforehand (saying "it's a date" seems to work well for people).
   • It's uncomfy to not be on the same page, almost as uncomfy as the word "uncomfy".
5. Look good, but don't look your best.
   • If you look your best there will be no going up from there. Maybe wear your best sweatpants?
6. Don't bring up your daddy/ mommy issues. Save that for marriage.
   • It's a road you don't want to go down. You don't want your date to end up being a therapy session. Even if they are happy to listen, all sides need to have the opportunity to contribute to the conversation.
7. Don't bring up someone else who you are also interested in. 
   • Even if you aren't on a date, if you are at all interested in that person, I AM BEGGING YOU do not bring up someone else who you are interested in or who is interested in you. You should not be surprised when it ends in a shit show and/ or a short-lived really great but very toxic relationship.
8. Talk about what is non-negotiable when it comes to raising children. 
   • It's just good to know, ya know.
9. Don't take advice from someone who has never been on a date. 
   • Honestly, even if they have, in the end, it's your date so do what you want.
10. If you initiated the idea of the date, plan to pay.
    • It's safer that way. You don't want to have to be there longer than you need to be. Be prepared to pay for both of you. And leave a nice tip. It shows that you're not a dick to both your date and the waiter/waitress.