If you’re desperate to date, you should probably stay single.

If you’re desperate to date, you should probably stay single.

Not being raised by a mother for a girl child is tough. It was really tough on me that I thought all the mistake I did growing up was because I had no one to talk to, no one to tell my troubles, no one to cry to, and no one to play that motherly role because only a she can understand her child. Yes, my father was around but never talked about anything other than Education. He raised me to be scared of him and for that, I preferred to keep things to myself. Bottle them up inside me and act on them by doing what I had to do.

I craved for someone to show me the love I was missing, any kind of love that I fell for any boy that came my way because I wanted the void of loneliness to disappear. As long as he was interested in me, I gave my all and I would do anything, even sacrifice my own life, my dreams, my morals and my family for that human.

Years down my path, here’s what I realized about being too desperate for love;

1. I was lonely. I already said that. And it really sucked but now I know that being alone is awesome! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want. I realized that I can create myself more when am at peace….alone!

2. I thought I could use a guy as a substitute for finding joy within myselfbecause I was always unhappy on my own. It’s cheesy but true. But I realized I needed to love myself before truly loving someone else. If I make myself happy first, I won’t need to go looking for happiness in dates. They might as well be actually attracted to my secure sense of self.

3. I knew deep down that dating random guys wasn’t the answer but I did it anyways even though it never made me feel better. I simply reached out to anything that made me happy, a quick fix! 

4. I was trying to fill a void. I thought maybe it’s because of what an ex had left there or like I said, I had my own issues but I realized the void wouldn’t exist if I were a complete person on my own. Unfortunately no guy will ever solve the problem, and it’s really difficult to maintain a romantic relationship when you’re missing an essential piece of your soul.

5. Dating was more of a distraction. I thought I needed to take my mind off my latest breakups, or work stress, or family problems. What better way to do this that to go hook up with a random, or go on a date with someone your barely know? It’s was distractive for a while….but it never made the original issue disappear.

6. I realized that if I don’t take time out to get introspective about what I want and need, nothing will change. I will make the same mistakes over and over again, and attract the same guys for all the wrong reasons. It’ll be like the love life version of Groundhog Day. Make some changes, and stay single even though you can hardly stand it. 

7. I also realized that impatience to date leads to poor choices. I rushed to jump into bed and regretted it, among other things. One should always wait until it felt right instead of just following the horny desires. I knew I wasn’t going to get satisfying sex if I simply picked the first dude who strolls by.

8. Truth be told, people can smell desperation from a mile away. Once a dude realizes that you are needy and you keep trying hard, he will use you. You’ll only be attracting shitty guys with way.

9. I also realized that there’s a reason people find love when they aren’t looking for it in the least. It’s because they have taken the time to develop happiness on their own. It’s not about being incomplete without a partner. It’s about finding completion and then another complete person to walk alongside you, both standing tall.

Hope some of you will agree with me on this. Leave a comment if you do!


Published by Doreen Eshinali

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