Should you be with someone whom you love or someone who loves you?

Well it might be better to be in a relationship where the feeling is mutual. But in some circumstances this might not be a practical reality. See, I was and I have ever chosen, ‘the one whom I love’ and things did not end up the way I expected. I had a thing for tall and skinny guys. I was skinny too back then, so i felt it was the perfect match. Definitely, handsome and outgoing. Don’t know why outgoing but I felt like I needed that in my life. You know when puberty hits and you just wanna go YOLO! You just want to fit in!

Anyways, So there he was, had all the qualities, lived next to my hood, so everything went by so fast. I did not even realize when I started feeling him. He would come to my house, I would go to his house, we loved the same genre of movies and he used to also teach me how to play PS. We both loved the free special offers; Wacky Wednesday at steers, terrific Tuesdays at Pizza inn, and if you remember ‘Wimpys’ that was our little date place at least once a week. During these dates, I was the one who was paying all the bills. Sometimes, it used to be 50/50 or he would offer to pay the whole bill but ‘sometimes’ was very rare. I did not mind then because my dad used to give me pocket money weekly.

We would go to Arboretum to just chill and drink or some waterfall in Karen with friends on a Sunday. Or we’d drive with his friends for a weekend to Cray fish, Naivasha or Hell’s gate. His friends were into car rally events and we never missed out. He introduced me to all ‘electro-music’ genre that I enjoy to date and we would go to all the ‘house music related events; 6AM Entertainment, Sunglasses at night, Earth dance, Blankets and wines when there was a house music artists, Smirnoff Ice, Prince-loo, the list goes on. Every weekend ‘Toa Mpango?‘was the text on his phone from his friends. He was the ‘IT’ with parties. He knew where, how much for the tickets, what DJ’s will be playing and even how to get tickets from the back door. We always used drive to where the party called us; Naivasha, Nakuru, all around. For those who have gone for such events, you need to have a ride. But he dint. He was in the cool guys crew. All his hang out buddies had cars. So, we never missed out on anything. We were the hitch-rider couple. But we did not mind. I mean, he was adventurous at his age, we were the same age by the way and I enjoyed that. Loved the different life he was into at that time. This is exactly what I needed when I said, ‘an outgoing guy’. 

I was still the one buying all this tickets for all those parties we would go. Why was I so stupid? I was being used but it just did not matter? I would always have an excuse to tell my dad so that I get money to use on him. Adolescence had hit me proper! If I saved all that money, I would be having an IPHONE now. Hmmph. I would do most of what he wanted and meet up with him any day of the week whether it was a school day or not. 

Thinking and writing about my young days, one thing I know is, I do not regret any road I walked, the only way to get to the finish line was to experience. And hence the title of the blog, ‘living and learning’. Am a beautiful mess, who took so many wrong paths at a young age, walked through them, grew stronger and wiser. I know I will stumble upon more mistakes but this time, I will be cautious. That is the reason why am able to write it out without any boundaries. If you follow my blog, this is what you will see; Bold, true and to the point. I am not shy to put it out there.

Anyways, this young Kamba guy, never paid much attention to me. Even through all those parties, he was always paying attention to other girls then when the night was almost over, that’s when he looked for me. I wonder what I meant to him. Was it pretense? Was I just naive? Or was I trying to fit in? Should I say I loved him or I just liked him too much? His life was more fun than mine and that is why I joined the crew which I couldn’t not afford. I did so many wrong things and even went against my parents rules taking things out of control. My relationship between me and my dad crumbled so bad because of this silly, young, outgoing, stupid, selfish, pretentious, kamba gene. ‘Shindwe!

To break away from the pack, I took a long long long vacation to ‘gichagi or ocha’ (Born-town), to be with my mother. She kicked some lost senses in me and I broke up with him. I sent him a long text, pouring out how he was a mistake in my life and how he made my relationship between my parents crumble and just ending it all. I remember my text was a 5 paged message and all he replied with was, ‘Okay‘. He was such a Douche! Who does that? I cried a lot not because of him but what he had made me do, how he turned my life upside down between my parents and me. He controlled me, manipulated me and made me choose the bad. I was too damn naive. From then, I became very choosy. I cannot be friends with or date a Kamba guy. No pun intended. But I feel they are cunning. 

My Advice

If you choose to be with the person that you love, but does not necessarily love you back. It will just cause you to be jealous, suspicious, and resentful. You will always be at their mercy as they have power over you. It really leads to a very pathetic lifestyle.  At least if they love you, you can rest knowing that you have that sense of order at home or in a relationship. And this is perfect if you are looking for something lasting which will lead to a family.  You can then focus your energy on other aspects of your life like your career and health.

Hope you enjoyed reading this one. 


Published by Doreen Eshinali


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