Maybe thinking was Descartes’s way of being in 1637, but a lot has happened in these 380 years and humanity has evolved … No that’s not entirely right… Technology has evolved so much, that it introduced us to new amazing, fulfilling ways of existing, some of which are listed below.
I hashtag, therefore I exist in social media #Am I doing this right? # Hashtag# Can I write the word Hashtag? # I am not supposed to use dots?# Should I leave space? # Help! # No really somebody help! # Relaxing night # Oslo # Learning how to hashtag#
I snap, therefore I am my alter ego, but only for seconds… I snap and for a while I am living dangerously, I vent, I am a party animal, a law-breaker, the person I’d secretly like to be but don’t dare to. All consequence free.
I can make it look like I made a delicious dish, super quickly and easily, therefore I exist as a new, up and coming food vlogger with some serious cooking skills. I manage to squeeze the integration of 20 different ingredients and 45’ of cooking/baking time in a 3’ video, without that meaning, that’s it’s actually quick or easy. You will never get to see how much time I actually spent in the kitchen, or that I had to make the pie twice, because the first time it ended up looking like the Pisa tower. What I truly have skills in, is video editing. And I also have a nice manicure/tattoo…
I post healthy, therefore, I am healthy. If we had a quinoa salad recipe competition, I would probably win. I mean I post videos of the stuff all the time don’t I? I keep you updated about my work out routine and you will of course come to know if I brake a personal record. When we have guests, I only serve them the healthiest food and I also enjoy it in moderation… with them. Later at night I can moderately enjoy some more, because then I’ll discover the ice cream the kids forgot when they were here for a visit and by that time, I’m done being moderate!
I am incomprehensible, therefore I am a poet! This one is really easy and anyone with a flair for art can try it at home. I’m telling you, it’s a life saver! You don’t really have to create something, that’s outdated and who has the time for it anyway? You can post a couple incomprehensible phrases- maximum 3, you don’t want to be redundant- and top them with any song, or poster or photograph. I promise you people will understand your profoundness and some will even try to match it with a reply of equal depth. You might even get some new followers!
I quote, therefore I am. I don’t need to think it over, put it in my own words, maybe take it further, figure it out for myself. I don’t need to try, be exposed, be imperfect, make an effort. Someone else has thought of it before I did anyway, so why bother? Someone else has said it better than I can, so why try at all?
I retweet, therefore I am. Quote, the explanation from the point above. I’ve already said it well enough there.
I recreate photographs from my childhood, therefore I remember who I was. The ghost of time is not a fun one to be alone with, so I scare it off by recreating the past, sharing it and making some likes out of it. Because I am ok with not being the same anymore… I’m just having fun with it… Look everyone, I still fit in the dog house!
I scroll down, therefore I can comfortably be anywhere. I can be on the buss, in the metro, at the airport, without having to worry about awkward conversations, my eyes meeting a stranger's, or them being irreversibly damaged by sunlight. I’d rather be in the online, with all that’s familiar and pre-adjusted to my preferences, than in the now, with strangers and the unpredictability of it all.
I post, therefore I exist. I don’t need to think to exist, because my goals as a human being have evolved. I don’t care as much about having my own understanding of the world anymore, or growing to become a better person. The goal now, is to be liked online, exist online, live long and prosper online, be remembered, online.
It would only be unfair though, if I didn’t finish this with I blog, therefore I am. Because I want people to care about what I think, what I ate last Saturday, what amazing places I’ve seen, how I managed to lose the pregnancy weight, my secret recipe for tomato sauce, how I live my life. Because I care about you caring, I do.
Published by Eleni Riga-Johansen