Because not loving sex is like having never tasted pizza, or never heard of Harry Potter. It's a choice that crazy people make.

1. "You just haven't met the right guy."

Sure, okay. Let me know when you find him.

2. "I don't understand."

No, no you don't. You can't. And unless we're in a relationship, I don't owe you an explanation. I'm not sure I owe you one if we are in a relationship...

3. "You must be gay."

Most gay people I know also love sex, so, no.

4. "Have you been to the doctor? Are you *okay*?"

Yes, and yes. So I'd rather cuddle. Sue me.

5. "Have you tried lube?"

Duh. You wouldn't make it through 5 minutes of hearing about the things I've tried. Not worth it.

6. "I'm so sorry. I feel so bad for you. You're really missing out on the greatest part of life."

stfu.

7. "So, since you can't have/won't have/don't enjoy sex, do guys make you do a lot of *other things*?"

No. Do I even have to mention that MAKING me do anything would be sexual assault? I date guys who adore me and don't try to force me into anything, and if they turn into douchebags I tell them bye-bye.

8. "Aren't you afraid you'll get dumped?"

Unfortunately, yes. Many douchebags in this world. Don't make me relive those times.

9. "I truly hope that one day you realize how truly wonderful it is."

Because I decided to feel this way, right? I truly hope that one day you realize you're more upset about this than me, and you learn to stop talking about something you've never experienced and cannot possibly fathom.

10. My personal fave: "Baby, you just need a real man." *wiggles eyebrows* "Let me show you."

LOL. Thanks for playing--next!

Published by Samantha LaBat