Honestly? I feel angry, guilty, devastated.

I don't think there is enough words in the dictionary to explain how I feel right now. Jordan's dad passed away over the weekend and, it just doesn't make sense.

I feel guilty because I can't do anything to make this better. I feel guilty for all the times when we could have spent more time with him but didn't. I would do anything to change that now.

I'm scared because I'm not sure we will get the outcome that we want. And if we don't, then I'm not sure how Jordan will cope.

I just want to take this pain away for him.

It still doesn't feel real. I can't understand how one minute we thought his dad was okay. He had health problems, but we just didn't know just how bad these problems actually were.

I just want to go back to two weeks ago when nothing had changed and, do something, anything, to stop things from changing. 

Published by Claire Crookes