“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Ha! I was plagued with this complex once upon a time. I didn’t love, value or appreciate myself. I felt I wasn’t beautiful. People made fun of my two front teeth which are a bit big and my wide nostrils.

What was that name they jokingly called me?…..Hmmmmm! Aha! Rabbit teeth and my nostrils, they likened to exhaust pipes.

Sure they were just joking and teasing but it made me very much aware of what I considered “flaws” on my physical self and that made me super uncomfortable in my skin. I disliked myself. I was just there…..just ordinary.

My fashion sense was zero. I was lost in the crowd. Sure, I had friends and people who love me but I still felt inferior none the less and this made me depressed.

Remember sometime ago, in one of my posts, I mentioned I used to be stereotyped and change didn't come easy to me but once I put my hand on the plough, there was no turning back. Some family friends (bless their hearts) came over to stay with me for some time and from them, I began to get a bit of good dress sense…..modest and fashionable. Then my boyfriend who happens to love styles and in his own way, a "fashionista", came into the scene and joined in the parade.

However, all they did was on the outside. If I was going to be pretty and if I was going to be beautiful, it had to come from the inside. I had to work on myself and learn to love, value and appreciate myself.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I got to see me as me. I saw myself for the beauty that I am. In the mirror, I saw a beautiful and amazing woman with perfect features. The whole “rabbit teeth” and “exhaust nostrils” seemed to fall in place with my face.

In the mirror, I saw an attractive and stunning young woman who was becoming an awesome lady. I saw ME in another light. I saw me in a whole new transformation and I was super pleased. It was then I believed the words my boyfriend had told me a million times and more, “Omon, you are beautiful”.

Now, I see myself as a beautiful gift; a remarkable and incredible jewel. I am a GREAT GAL. I am basking in great self-love and swimming in a deep ocean of amazing self-confidence. I know what I am worth and you know what that is? I am priceless. I am a rare gem of inestimable value.

Proudly Me,Omoakhuana Anthonia Imoisili

Yep! That’s me.

And this can be you too if you look deep down within yourself and see the great beauty and amazing gift you are to yourself and to the world.

More often than not, we capitalize on our weaknesses instead of our strengths….. “I am not smart enough” “I am not pretty enough” “I am not good enough”. We forget the things we excel in – cooking, math, arts, music, writing, dancing or any other passions or talents of ours.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, so it is said, right? How come most of us don’t believe this? We strive so much to change ourselves to become very much like others.

Be who you are. Be original.

Babes, the guys would come after you and the right one will find you. Even if you are the “maid” who does all the chores, you are still the beautiful “Cinderella” who went to the ball and danced with the prince all night.  Your Prince Charming; your Mr. Right would locate you.

It is however pertinent to bear in mind that overcoming all your inferiority complexes is for you and not for anybody. You love and appreciate yourself for you because it is how you see yourself, that is how others will see you.

It is one thing to admire someone else; it is one thing to aspire to be like others but it is a totally different ballgame to want to BE THEM. How can that be without you changing the very core of you that makes you who you are? This affects almost, if not all areas of life.

So, how can you overcome this feeling of inferiority complex and be an amazing you? Check out these great pointers:

  • Be honest with yourself: What is that thing you feel most uncomfortable with about yourself? Inferiority complex is something that develops gradually perhaps as in my case, been made aware of a flaw in your being that makes you feel unpretty. Search deep within you and confront your feelings no matter how scary or painful. Fight your inner demons. For any positive transformation to occur, the healing has to begin from inside you.
  • What brings out your inferiority complex most: What is that situation that makes you really self-aware of your flaws and set the alarm bells ringing in your head so much so that you take cover in the deepest recesses of your being? What thing or who is the person makes you feel inferior? Think hard and write them down. Once you can give a name to your fears, you stand a better chance at conquering them. There is definitely something you are great at no matter how little that doesn’t make you feel inferior to others. Find that thing and feel proud of yourself for that. Hold on to it and let that be your rope out of this hell hole of low self-esteem.
  • Stare your complexes down: Now take the list of things that makes you feel inferior and tackle them one after the other. Are they things you can work on to make you feel better, say trim down a bit by keeping fit if you feel you are on the big side or dedicate more time to studying so you would also be smart or dressing better to boost your self-confidence? If yes, then do this.

Or are they flaws on your body like big ears? Big nose? Big teeth? Short height? Tiny voice?

These, you can’t change without doing one procedure or the other which is not even worth it. These “flaws” that make you this uncomfortable surprisingly may not even be noticed by others. Even if it is, look deeply at yourself and you will see how it fits perfectly with you.

When my friends teased me about my big teeth and wide nostrils, it wasn’t as though it was a general or common thing that everyone talked about. It was about  a handful in a crowd and it was all for fun.

Others saw me and always complemented on my beautiful look. However it was the teasing that stayed with me so much so that I didn’t even believe the compliments.

Once I had the opportunity to work on my big teeth and make it equal with the others but I didn’t because when I looked at myself again, it fit with me perfectly. At least if nothing else, it is my signature on my body……..Lol….

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You are adorable and mighty beautiful as you are. Your features are excellent. God doesn’t make mistakes. He is the best sculptor ever. Love yourself as you are. It is that your so-called flaw that makes you unique, special and amazing and may just be what attracts others to you.

Love and accept yourself as you are. If you do, no matter how anyone chooses to taunt or mock you, it would just bounce off of you and wouldn’t affect you in anyway. Remember that people who tease or taunt others more often than not, also feel insecure about something in themselves and tearing others down is just their way of making themselves feel better.

They are bullies and all they have is false confidence. Don’t be fooled by how others act towards you or what they say to you. They are only trying to maintain a cover that would blow soon. Just be true to yourself and ignore them.

I always say you define your status, your status doesn’t define you. So don’t let these flaws govern your life. You are in charge. You are your own boss and not your flaws. Stare them down and conquer them.

  • You are not alone: No one is perfect. Everyone has something that makes them feel inferior in one way or the other but you don’t see them let these flaws control them, do you? Even the person you consider as the most beautiful or wealthiest still feels insecure about one thing and you may just be surprised that it is not everything money can fix.

Capitalize on your strengths and good sides. Stop overthinking your flaws and become so self-aware that you begin to feel inferior.

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  • Be original: You are you. There is no one else like you now and there never will be. I will never tire of saying that. If you get missing in the crowd, if you join the bandwagon, what makes you stand out? What makes your existence unique? Why would you want to be someone else? It’s one thing to admire others especially if you feel inspired by them but wanting to be them is a big NO, NO. With that, you lose your originality and get lost.
  • Outward Appearance: How about we make use of some examples for better clarification…..

If Ese is light complexioned, tall and slender with all the right curves, does that mean Uche is not equally as beautiful because she is dark skinned and a little chubby? Why would Uche go all-out to become as light skinned and slender as Ese?

She starves herself, bleaches her skin and go through unnecessary punishments just to look like Ese, why? She is Uche and Ese is Ese, right? What makes her Uche is who she is created to be – dark skinned and chubby. Doing her hardest to be light skinned and slender makes her Ese and not Uche.

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So in the long run, we have two Eses’ and no Uche. We have lost a gem. The most painful part is she really can never be Ese but only a phony. She will always be Uche-turned-Ese.

Hmmmmm! How familiar does this illustration sound?

Do you know any Uches or Eses? Running a quick search through your mind? Bother not, dear. You are Uche. I am Uche. We are all Uche. We make every effort to be Ese and abandon our originality as an Uche.

Does this make sense? Let me explain……

By the standards of the society, Ese represents “beautiful” women while Uche represents “not so beautiful” women. By whose and what standards are these grades done, to begin with? What we may see as beautiful may not be what others consider as beautiful. It's all a matter of perception. “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” after all, isn’t it?

Fantabulous Chics, one secret you don’t know that drives men crazy about women is ORIGINALITY. Be who you are and not try to be another. There is this common notion that men like light skinned girls and slender girls better. Who said so?

Was a census done to see how many men like slender girls better as against chubby girls? Even if such a thing was done (which by the way is utterly ridiculous), isn’t every man entitled to his own opinion?

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How does the view of another affect your own, if you are not easily swayed by the crowd? Be your own man; be your own person. See through your own eyes and not through the eyes of another. Some people are myopic and narrow minded. What others say or think is what they go by.

Sweetheart, you are beautiful. You are awesome. You are breath-taking. You are amazing. That thing you think is weird about you – big ear, big nose, big eyes, flat butt, chubby self, whatever it is, is the very thing that is special about you; It is the very thing that makes you, you.

You were born that way so you are special. Why carry out dangerous procedures just because you want to look as beautiful like another? By whose standards are they beautiful? By whose standards are you ugly?

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There is a great difference between taking good care of yourself and changing yourself.

BE ORIGINAL and you not only get to feel soooooo good about yourself, you will get the “turning heads” you want.

  • The Internal You: No matter how properly dressed, physically beautiful, intelligent or smart you are, if you do not have a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul, you might as well be nothing.

It is one thing for your physical beauty to attract other people but what keeps them with you; what makes them stay with you forever and remain lifelong friends is your character; it’s your personality; it’s who you really are.

No matter how fine and dressed up a monkey may be, a monkey remains a monkey. It doesn’t matter how gorgeously dressed you are or how smart you are or the pretty curves on your body, once your character is nothing, so are you.

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Every woman is a princess. Every woman is a queen. Every woman is a damsel. That is who she is created to be but once she lets her beauty be overshadowed by her vices, she turns her beautiful heart to a hideous one and as the heart is, so she appears.

I make reference again to Cinderella. Even when her step-mom clothed her in rags, her beauty still couldn’t be hidden. Not just her physical beauty but the beauty of her heart. Her leg may as well be covered in mud or sores but only her foot fit the glass slipper.

How beautiful is your heart? How worthy is your character? You wonder why your friend is loved by most people? You wonder why all the guys only as much as say “hello” to you out of courtesy but engage in really long conversations with your friend?

You look at your friend and in your heart you wonder, “What is so special about her? I am even more beautiful than she is. So why do all the guys want to be with her?”

Well, for starters, why don’t you wonder what may be wrong with you instead of looking for the so many things that are special about your friend? Take a good look at yourself, figure out what is off beam and make a change.

  • It’s only your opinion that counts: As I have said over and over again in most of my articles, you do not need the validation or approval of others to live and be happy. You and you alone owe that responsibility to yourself. It doesn’t matter what others think. They are entitled to their own opinions as you are to yours.pic109

Your self-appreciation is not dependent on if others appreciate you or think you are good enough. Love and appreciate yourself irrespective of what anyone thinks because it is ONLY YOUR OPINION THAT MATTERS. Concentrate on making yourself happy and you will be.

  • Do not compare: The biggest moral killer, the highest injustice you can ever give yourself is comparing you to others. I keep saying in almost all of my posts, you are you. Never compare yourself with others. You have your own life as they have their. You are not same as them.

Your path through this journey of life, your destination, your goals, your opportunities, your families, your relationships with people….in fact, in everything, you are way different from others.

Comparison with others saddles you with low self-esteem because you would always find ways in which they are better than you. Why put yourself through this much stress and torture? You deserve more. You deserve better. Respect yourself and just live your life.

  • Have a change of perception: True happiness as I mentioned earlier lies within you and begins in your heart. Accept and love yourself as whole and not a part. Even if you succeed in working on that one flaw that always made you feel inferior, true happiness doesn’t come from that.pic115

Yes, you would be happy but if you capitalize on it as your source of happiness, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment because it is temporary. Perhaps you may think, “If I get married, I would be happier” “If I change my career path, I would be happier”………

Sure, you would be (if you get your dream job and not just settle for anyone) but your true happiness doesn’t lie in your job, in getting married or even in your spouse or children.

YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS LIES IN YOU.

  • Be friendly: You can begin by turning that constant frown upside down and wear a gorgeous smile. “A smile is the most important expression you can wear”, so it is said, isn’t it? You are beautiful so why try your hardest to get wrinkles? Are they beauty marks?

Sweetie, smiling has never been known to cause harm to anyone but on the contrary. Smiling makes you easily approachable, welcoming, warm and openhearted. It makes people always want to be with you and talk to you. Try smiling. It has never been known to fail. It works.

  • Stay Positive: At all times, speak positively to yourself because your subconscious is always listening and would pick on the words you say. It is what you feed your inner self that it would present on the outside.

Let your vocabulary be filled with words like “I can” “I will” “I am loved” “I am victorious” “I would accomplish my goals” “I am deserving of good things” “I deserve to be happy” “I deserve to be happy”. This is you expressing self-belief and displaying a positive attitude. Your mind picks on that, paves ways for you to live in such a manner and energizes you.

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  • Start building a great self-esteem: Change the mental picture of you in your head. Take off the sad, lonely and depressed chap you see. Replace it with an excited, confident and brave you. See yourself as a success.

See yourself as taking up the responsibility of becoming a better person. See yourself as happy, excited and free. Once you start doing this, your mind is programmed as thus and before long, you become this new person you have pictured.

You are not a failure. You are not worthless. You are not ugly. NO!

You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are great. You are unique. You are awesome. See yourself as such and become thus.

  • Break free of all barriers: Inferiority complex keeps you hidden from the world. You choose not to associate with others and become anti-social but that has got to stop now.
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This is a brand new confident and happy you. Step out of your comfort zone. Go out there and live greatly. Mingle with others. Interact with people. Try new things. Test the waters. Explore possibilities. Cast out fear and replace it with faith – faith in yourself that you are great,  faith in God to bring out the best in you, if you let Him.

  • Keep healthy relationships: I cannot overemphasize this enough. Surround yourself with people who add value to you…people who constantly encourage, motivate and inspire you to be your best.

If you stay around those who always criticize or judge you, you would never go anywhere in life because their words would have continuous effect on you and fill you with negative energy.

Cut the ties of any unhealthy relationship and surround yourself with positive energy. Healthy relationships serve as an outlet to not only meet like minds but also a channel for you to express yourself happily without fear of condemnation or criticism. Sure your self-confidence stems from you but having great friends smooth it out for you is just an added bonus.

  • Create room for improvement: There is always room for all of us to grow and improve on ourselves. Always work on yourself and strive to be better than you were a moment ago. You can always develop. Like I mentioned before, break boundaries. Try new things like hobbies, exercise, going on vacations, learn a new skill or language…..whatever you do, let it be an avenue to improve you.

When you start doing this, you would begin to feel better and happier with yourself. You would be least concerned about the flaws that made you feel inferior in the first place. You would be so proud of your new accomplishments and would strive to achieve more. By so doing, you are getting mature, better and happier.

  • Mental Check: Maturity doesn’t go with age because age is only a number. Maturity to a large extent is dependent on your exposure to life, your experiences and lessons from them.

The psych of a woman is one which is somewhat interesting. She sometimes thinks in a funny way that gets man confused so that he figures she is a complicated being. If not mature, a woman could read witty meanings into little insignificant actions thereby creating a mountain out of a mole hill.

A real woman thinks smart and intelligently. She reads in between the lines and she trusts her instincts really well. Intuition is a topic for another day but it is important to mention here that the mental state of a woman is reliant on her understandings of life.

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Be analytic in any situation. Try to understand circumstances before coming to a conclusion. Someone said, “The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand the situation instead of trying to hurt them back”.

  • Live a life of service: There is nothing more fulfilling and satisfying than giving of yourself to others. A life of service is a life well lived, never forget. Give of your time, talents, resources, knowledge to others. Volunteer to be a part of something bigger than yourself in your community and society.

That way, you feel so much joy, happiness and a sense of fulfillment within you. You have no time to dwell on those flaws and before long, they are forgotten.

  • Dress Sense: Looking good is good business”, so it is often said, right? There’s nothing that boosts the confidence of a woman more than her dress sense. Dress smartly and you will feel a different aura around you. I can very well attest to that.

Having a good dress sense doesn’t mean exposing yourself. That is indecent dressing and it doesn’t bring people close to you to want to be your friends instead it attracts harm as you could be raped or harassed. Remember the saying, "dress the way you want to be addressed".

  • Don’t be Jealous: I love this quote that says, “Why do we as women bring down other women knowing how hard life can be for a woman”? If there is one major vice that a woman has, it is jealousy and this sometimes leads to envy.

Remember, what is yours will come to you. Do not look at the life of another and wish you had it. You have no idea the burdens that person carries. Be content and satisfied with your life.

Make good use of the special talents and potentials hidden in you and make a good life for yourself. Avoid gossips. It never pays. What goes around comes around, remember? So if you indulge in gossips, be sure you are also a topic in other people’s gossips.

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Do not tarnish the image or character of another person just because you are angry at them and want to hurt them too. It is childish, really. What would be your gain at the end of the day if you ruin the life of another?

When it relates to guys, we often hear ladies say, “If I can’t have him, nobody will”. Says who? Who gave you the right over another’s life and free will? In all things, let nature play out. Qui sera sera – what will be will be.

Oscar Wilde says, “Curious thing, plain women are always jealous of their husbands, beautiful women never are”.

Jealousy comes from low self-esteem. Believe in yourself and trust God to give you your heart desires according to his riches in glory. Live a happy and fulfilled life. If you do this, “God will lift you so high to a place nobody has ever been”.

So at the end of the day, you see that it’s all about you and your mind. Inferiority complex is all in your head and doesn’t really exist. See yourself in a better light and you would be a better being.

Up your self-worth, self-confidence, self-pride, self-love, self-respect, dignity and prayer levels and you will be superbly amazed at the result.

In conclusion, I again leave you with the words of A.A. Milne“Always remember you are BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem, SMARTER than you think and twice as BEAUTIFUL as you’d ever imagined”.

Thank you so much for reading this article. I hope you find it every bit interesting and inspiring. Kindly visit my blog, www.khuanascorner.com for more inspiring and motivating articles that promises to give you the secrets to a happy life.

In what ways have you felt inferior to others? What steps did you take to overcome them? Kindly share your comments in the box below. I would love to read all you have to say.

Published by Omoakhuana Anthonia Imoisili