You know those days when you wake up at 7am after having slept for 8 hours straight and you feel so perfectly rested. You didn’t dream about anything, you just slept. And everything seems so fresh and new and alive, you don’t even have the will to stay in bed, you jump out.

You go to the bathroom and you look at your own reflection, wash your face and think to yourself “wow my skin looks really good right now”. You don’t have any pimples, your hair is a bit messy, but the perfect amount of messy, you like it that way. You can put it in a messy bun and look cute. Maybe even combine it with glasses that you haven’t worn for two months.

You make yourself a delicious smoothie, you don’t even need coffee. You brush your teeth even though you don’t need to, because it’s weekend and you don’t have to go to work. You feel so energised, you go for a run and take a shower when you get back. You look at your naked body in the mirror and all af the flaws that hunt you every day don’t even cross your mind.

You run your hands over your face, gently caress your lips. You squeeze your boobs and you like how soft they are. Your hands travel down and caress your tummy and you kiss it mentally, whispering gentle I love you‘s to it. Your hands circle around your hips and stop at your butt and you don’t even wish for a different shape or a different size, you just are. In the moment, you just exist.

You don’t play music today, you don’t need a distraction. You open the balcony and listen. Construction, busses, crows and traffic. It calms your mind. In the afternoon you make yourself coffee. You sit on the balcony and think. You are aware that today is a very good day for your mental health. You know how lucky you are with who you are and where you are. You drink coffee and it tastes good. It tastes like today. You wish that it would taste like that every day, but you know that’s unrealistic.

You shower again, wash your hair, shave, scrub your body. You coat every inch of your skin with esoteric oils and mentally plant kisses everywhere your fingers touch. You slip into your silk night-gown and change bed sheets because you don’t want to sleep in misery. You fall asleep.

Come 2am you wake up screaming because of the nightmare and tears stream down your face.

Published by Evelyn