Welcome to the world of me! 

All my life I have just been on the verge of something great, and something was always around the corner that was going to change my life and wish me away to foreign lands with great experiences. 

Its safe to say this hasn't yet happened and I'm stuck in the rut of social benefits and living off of other people's tax contributions because of my crippling anxiety. 

"Smile it might never happen" with these words that twisted my insides and made me feel like I should have to appear well to others, why should I have to be well? I need time to recover and to figure out what my life is going to be and how to conquer this awful affliction. 

I have suffered for over 10 years with anxiety and this has mostly affected my ability to differentiate normal health concerns such as mild palpitations or headaches, instead I would think I was having a heart attack or brain aneurysm and no reassurance from Doctors would convince me that this wasn't the case. 

I would spend my weekends, not with my friends having drinks and fun like a usual young guy, instead I would camp out in my car with a blanket outside of the urgent care medical centre, just to reassure myself that I could be saved from the inevetible heart I attack or stroke I thought I was going to suffer. 

I have tried nearly every medication recommended for anxiety and have even now gone onto third level medications. I have CBT booked in and have yet to have this yet but am hopefull that this will enable me to live a life where I am not fearing everyday tasks such as driving or leaving the house. 

I am going to complete a 50 day diary of my life and will be updating if any issues occur that I think would be worth a blog post. My hope is that together we can form a community and support network, to share coping techniques and things that have worked or haven't worked. 

My life is now at a standstill and I have been rattling my head to find a way out, but I know I must try and succeed if not for myself but for the numerous people that have supported me. 

So from tomorrow it will officially be day 50 and the countdown will begin. I hope that we will all see a progress during this time, but I'll be writing all the way. 

Peace and love. ⭐️💫🌟❤️

Published by Robert Kearney