I HAVE AN ETERNITY AHEAD OF ME

(Intermittent Waves Recorded From The Transformed Heart Of A Woman)

EPISODE 70

AUNTIE YONNY: Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

 

 

Natalie Tiledeler sat at her desk on the top floor of The Tribune with a stack of fresh stories to review. Her father had designed the floor as a type of home away from home with all of the amenities included. Unlike the rest of the old building, it was still very much intact and had proudly maintained its pristine nineteen forties Art Deco design. Her father had insisted upon keeping the floor in good condition, due to his spending more time at The Tribune than he did at home.

 

She leaned back in his chair (so huge, it swallowed up her small frame) and imagined him pacing back and forth, arguing with his editors, and usually winning. Like her father, she insisted upon staying on top of every facet of the business. However, seeing the mound of papers in front of her, her eyes widened. Taking a deep breath, she blew the air out loudly, using her lips to sound like a dying motor. She noticed that her muscles ached. Feeling the tension and aching, she stretched her limbs, once again, inhaling, then exhaling, forcing the air out to make the sound again. She giggled and envisioned herself as a tired race horse.

 

"You can't think about being tired, yet, old girl," she said aloud. "The race has just begun."

 

It had been a good week for The Tribune and she had been basking in the glory that was due to the success of her story on the 2016 campaign; a story that exposed the extent of espionage, treason, voter suppression, gerrymandering, and hacking of phones and computers, aimed at stealing data and changing votes; all of which put Willard Graves in the Oval Office, as president of the United States. She had printed numerous photos of the data that had been hidden away for years by her father and grandfather to pass along. Calls were coming in from government agencies, politicians, universities, and all sorts of interested parties wanting to dispute or validate the data and claims made in the article.

 

Perhaps she had placed herself and the paper in a dangerous position by exposing the previous administration's strong effort to maintain confidence in the voting and electoral process, as well as the valuable ideals and institutions that held together the fibers of democracy. However, the government run by Willard Graves had only sought to cover up their corruption and treason. She saw that as a story that needed to be told to let the nation know how far the Republican run government officials had gone to keep secrets from the people they had sworn to serve. The Republicans had sold out, not only their country to the Russians, but had agreed to help the Russians dismantle democracies around the globe, in order to gain complete power over the United States. Theirs was a madness beyond reason and definitely beyond repair. Yet, they would meet an inevitable and unforeseen demise.

 

Natalie knew that there would be a lot to deal with in the coming days and months, but, the story had put The Tribune in first place in sales and readers that week. So as to keep the momentum going, Natalie had her staff feverishly working on followup stories from subsequent data, related stories, and the effect the news was having on the public, government, and current election. 

 

Yes, she knew that she had dropped viral information almost akin to a nuclear explosion that would start the world reeling from the fallout. There would be a mass wave of repercussions headed her way. She thought she was prepared for the impact, but, she was feeling a little overwhelmed already and she was hoping she'd hear from Hal soon to have him in her corner for support.

 

Once again, the Tiledeler name would be open to public criticism and scrutiny. People would want to know why they suppressed this information for so long and chose now to disclose it. Were there legal implications? Could she be prosecuted? Were there still enemies in Russia or the United States, other than Derek Graves, who would come after her and The Tribune?

 

"No doubt, I'll find out soon," she thought.

 

She picked up the next story, a story for the Sunday edition of the religion section. Ron, the editor, had been begging her to change the sections name to Spiritual Faith and Religion.  Changing the name didn't make sense to her. Besides, it all meant the same thing, didn't it?

 

The article was entitled, Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah.   Natalie didn't consider herself to be a religious person and she felt that she wasn't qualified to critique the work, but, she always checked it for content, as her father would have done. She paused, wondering what her father would say about what she had done. Would he be proud of her for doing this now, believing she had played her hand at the right time?

 

When he first told her about the campaign data and then, decided to show it to her, he made her vow to keep it a secret and entrusted its care to her. At that time, Tex Tiledeler, had made it very clear that it wasn't the right time to reveal the proof the whole world had been wanting to know about for so many years. She wondered if he would say that this is the right time? She knew he would be afraid for her, but, what would be his next move to stay ahead of the game and protect the newspaper? 

 

Calls had been coming in all day with questions and complaints; so many, that she had to contract with a staffing agency to hire temporary employees to handle the calls. Her siblings from her father's previous marriage called, one after the other, wanting her to stop smearing the Tiledeler name again. One of them even threatened to sue her and the newspaper. 

 

Never had they resented her more than now and promised to put an end to her, "precious little newspaper," as they always called it, as if it were a toy, or pet, or some ridiculous hobby. Every time they encountered one another, she could count on them giving their opinion about her, without hesitation. It gave them great satisfaction to tell her how they truly felt about her, resenting her for being what they proclaimed to be--their father's favorite child.

 

As a child, having seen the frowns and sneers on their faces, she always knew how they really felt about her. There was no love between them and she made it a point not to pay attention to what they said. Still, hearing them disrespect their father made her furious. He had worked hard, giving them everything they desired and more.  He had tried to love them and make them all a family, but, her siblings were a venomous and hateful lot, jealous, and resentful of her and her mother coming into their lives, believing they took their father away from them. They carried so much resentment and jealousy, they had rejected their father's efforts to include them in owning and running The Tribune. Natalie growled to let out some of the anger she felt.

 

"After all the insults and accusations they hurled at me and poor daddy, today, I imagine Tex Tiledeler is rolling over in his grave."

 

Growling again, she went back to reading the religion article. Glancing at the Psalm, her eyes stopped at the nineteenth verse of the scripture and she began to read.

 

19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

Natalie thought of her siblings. This scripture fit them perfectly, for they were definitely wicked. She tried to put them out of her mind, but, she knew she would have to deal with them later. But, did she hate them like they hated her? They wanted to know why she was doing this and was it worth smearing the Tiledeler name. Why was she doing all of this? Was it because she hated the Graves Family so much and all that they stood for?

 

Seeing herself in a different light , she began to question herself.

 

"Am I one of God's enemies, too, or is there some good in me because I want to stop Derek Graves and all of the Graves Family treachery? But, am I doing this just to satisfy myself?"

 

Her father had said that he hadn't released the information because it wasn't time, yet. What was he waiting for? He was sitting on a gold mine that could have saved his newspaper when hard times hit. She sighed and read verse fourteen.

 

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 

She admired her father because he always seemed to want to do what was right for everyone.

 

"That's it! He wanted to do the most good for everyone, yet, the opportunity hadn't presented itself. I've made this all about me and punishing the Graves."

 

Glancing down to verses twenty-three and twenty-four, she re-read them, using her finger to follow each word. Her finger seemed to guide the words into her heart, convicting her.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Natalie's head fell into her hands and three words quietly and unexpectedly passed from her lips.

 

"Lord, help me."

 

Laying her head down upon the massive desk she had spent hours playing under as a child,  she gave her time over to self-reflection and soul-searching. However, one question kept pushing its way to the front of her mind. She couldn't help wondering,

 

"Where is Hal?"

 

Things were happening fast--too fast and she needed his advice before she made the next move.



******************************************************

Psalm 139 (KJV)

1 O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.

5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

 

 

She leaned back in his chair (so huge, it swallowed up her small frame) and imagined him pacing back and forth, arguing with his editors, and usually winning. Like her father, she insisted upon staying on top of every facet of the business. However, seeing the mound of papers in front of her, her eyes widened. Taking a deep breath, she blew the air out loudly, using her lips to sound like a dying motor. She noticed that her muscles ached. Feeling the tension and aching, she stretched her limbs, once again, inhaling, then exhaling, forcing the air out to make the sound again. She giggled and envisioned herself as a tired race horse.

 

"You can't think about being tired, yet, old girl," she said aloud. "The race has just begun."

 

It had been a good week for The Tribune and she had been basking in the glory that was due to the success of her story on the 2016 campaign; a story that exposed the extent of espionage, treason, voter suppression, gerrymandering, and hacking of phones and computers, aimed at stealing data and changing votes; all of which put Willard Graves in the Oval Office, as president of the United States. She had printed numerous photos of the data that had been hidden away for years by her father and grandfather to pass along. Calls were coming in from government agencies, politicians, universities, and all sorts of interested parties wanting to dispute or validate the data and claims made in the article.

 

Perhaps she had placed herself and the paper in a dangerous position by exposing the previous administration's strong effort to maintain confidence in the voting and electoral process, as well as the valuable ideals and institutions that held together the fibers of democracy. However, the government run by Willard Graves had only sought to cover up their corruption and treason. She saw that as a story that needed to be told to let the nation know how far the Republican run government officials had gone to keep secrets from the people they had sworn to serve. The Republicans had sold out, not only their country to the Russians, but had agreed to help the Russians dismantle democracies around the globe, in order to gain complete power over the United States. Theirs was a madness beyond reason and definitely beyond repair. Yet, they would meet an inevitable and unforeseen demise.

 

Natalie knew that there would be a lot to deal with in the coming days and months, but, the story had put The Tribune in first place in sales and readers that week. So as to keep the momentum going, Natalie had her staff feverishly working on followup stories from subsequent data, related stories, and the effect the news was having on the public, government, and current election. 

 

Yes, she knew that she had dropped viral information almost akin to a nuclear explosion that would start the world reeling from the fallout. There would be a mass wave of repercussions headed her way. She thought she was prepared for the impact, but, she was feeling a little overwhelmed already and she was hoping she'd hear from Hal soon to have him in her corner for support.

 

Once again, the Tiledeler name would be open to public criticism and scrutiny. People would want to know why they suppressed this information for so long and chose now to disclose it. Were there legal implications? Could she be prosecuted? Were there still enemies in Russia or the United States, other than Derek Graves, who would come after her and The Tribune?

 

"No doubt, I'll find out soon," she thought.

 

She picked up the next story, a story for the Sunday edition of the religion section. Ron, the editor, had been begging her to change the sections name to Spiritual Faith and Religion.  Changing the name didn't make sense to her. Besides, it all meant the same thing, didn't it?

 

The article was entitled, Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah.   Natalie didn't consider herself to be a religious person and she felt that she wasn't qualified to critique the work, but, she always checked it for content, as her father would have done. She paused, wondering what her father would say about what she had done. Would he be proud of her for doing this now, believing she had played her hand at the right time?

 

When he first told her about the campaign data and then, decided to show it to her, he made her vow to keep it a secret and entrusted its care to her. At that time, Tex Tiledeler, had made it very clear that it wasn't the right time to reveal the proof the whole world had been wanting to know about for so many years. She wondered if he would say that this is the right time? She knew he would be afraid for her, but, what would be his next move to stay ahead of the game and protect the newspaper? 

 

Calls had been coming in all day with questions and complaints; so many, that she had to contract with a staffing agency to hire temporary employees to handle the calls. Her siblings from her father's previous marriage called, one after the other, wanting her to stop smearing the Tiledeler name again. One of them even threatened to sue her and the newspaper. 

 

Never had they resented her more than now and promised to put an end to her, "precious little newspaper," as they always called it, as if it were a toy, or pet, or some ridiculous hobby. Every time they encountered one another, she could count on them giving their opinion about her, without hesitation. It gave them great satisfaction to tell her how they truly felt about her, resenting her for being what they proclaimed to be--their father's favorite child.

 

As a child, having seen the frowns and sneers on their faces, she always knew how they really felt about her. There was no love between them and she made it a point not to pay attention to what they said. Still, hearing them disrespect their father made her furious. He had worked hard, giving them everything they desired and more.  He had tried to love them and make them all a family, but, her siblings were a venomous and hateful lot, jealous, and resentful of her and her mother coming into their lives, believing they took their father away from them. They carried so much resentment and jealousy, they had rejected their father's efforts to include them in owning and running The Tribune. Natalie growled to let out some of the anger she felt.

 

"After all the insults and accusations they hurled at me and poor daddy, today, I imagine Tex Tiledeler is rolling over in his grave."

 

Growling again, she went back to reading the religion article. Glancing at the Psalm, her eyes stopped at the nineteenth verse of the scripture and she began to read.

 

19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

Natalie thought of her siblings. This scripture fit them perfectly, for they were definitely wicked. She tried to put them out of her mind, but, she knew she would have to deal with them later. But, did she hate them like they hated her? They wanted to know why she was doing this and was it worth smearing the Tiledeler name. Why was she doing all of this? Was it because she hated the Graves Family so much and all that they stood for?

 

Seeing herself in a different light , she began to question herself.

 

"Am I one of God's enemies, too, or is there some good in me because I want to stop Derek Graves and all of the Graves Family treachery? But, am I doing this just to satisfy myself?"

 

Her father had said that he hadn't released the information because it wasn't time, yet. What was he waiting for? He was sitting on a gold mine that could have saved his newspaper when hard times hit. She sighed and read verse fourteen.

 

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 

She admired her father because he always seemed to want to do what was right for everyone.

 

"That's it! He wanted to do the most good for everyone, yet, the opportunity hadn't presented itself. I've made this all about me and punishing the Graves."

 

Glancing down to verses twenty-three and twenty-four, she re-read them, using her finger to follow each word. Her finger seemed to guide the words into her heart, convicting her.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Natalie's head fell into her hands and three words quietly and unexpectedly passed from her lips.

 

"Lord, help me."

 

Laying her head down upon the massive desk she had spent hours playing under as a child,  she gave her time over to self-reflection and soul-searching. However, one question kept pushing its way to the front of her mind. She couldn't help wondering,

 

"Where is Hal?"

 

Things were happening fast--too fast and she needed his advice before she made the next move.



******************************************************

Psalm 139 (KJV)

1 O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.

5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.

7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.

20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.

21 Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.