I'm not sure how this happened, but today I worked as a secretary for a local mom and pop shop. I sort of just wandered in and asked if they needed any help.
Luckily, they did.
And luckily, they chose me.

I've never been a secretary before, but they didn't seem to care, what with my trustworthy face and begging and pleading and a lot of crying. So today, for the first time ever, I was essentially the face of a business.
Here's how things went.

10:00 a.m.

I walked into this business — which will remain unnamed for legal reasons — and simply asked them if they needed any help. I didn't ask if they were hiring, just, "Do you need help?" They were bewildered by this question for obvious reasons, but it turned out they did in fact need help. My interview was pretty much a casual conversation with the owners. After they were assured that I wasn't a serial killer, I was hired on as secretary by 10:30 a.m., with a starting wage of $10/hr.


Above you can see my dope ass view of trees and a water tower and some cars that I would classify as "shitty cars." You may also notice my impressive photo editing skills.

11:00 a.m.

The pop of this shop, who we'll call . . . "Pop" told me to file some paperwork and if somebody came into the store with inquiries that I should enter their information into the computer blah blah blah I don't know, I wasn't really listening. What Pop doesn't know is that I'm never coming back, I'm just using hi—

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BAM! Of course I filed the paperwork. Who do you think I am?? I would never do my boy Pop wrong. I was doing all the clerical work up in that bitch! Oh, and do you see my hand? That's right, you looked right at the "OK" hand thing and now you are required by U.S. law to punch your first-born directly in the face; if you don't have a child, punch your significant other in the face; if you don't have a significant other, try Plenty of Fish, it worked for my cousin's friend's dog sitter.

2:00 p.m. 

I've made $35 up until this point. I've spent most of the day thinking about what I would spend $35 on right now.
Here's what I came up with:
- $35 worth of Big League Chew

3:00 p.m.

A few people have come into the store. This place must really suck.

4:00 p.m.

I talked to an older gentleman about fly fishing. I don't care much for fly fishing or chatting with old dudes, but I'm super bored. Hell I'd probably fuck an old dude right now I'm so bored! 
Maybe though. 

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So bored that I started building the exterior of a home lincoln log style. Did you know Donald Trump invented Lincoln Logs?
Because he didn't.
He did however invent cat-anus lips.

5:00 p.m.

Mom and Pop told me I've been doing a great job. I might try to make the will.


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I'm pretty good at this. I'm going to call my dad and tell him that he was wrong about me.

5:13 p.m.

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6:00 p.m.

I told Mom and Pop that today was my last day. They didn't seem to care much, and actually seemed sort of relieved.
Maybe it was the will thing.

DISCUSSION QUESTION: where do you think Nash should work next?

Your Mother's Favorite,

Nash Faul

Published by Nash Faulk