As my first post on My Tending Stories, I decided this would be the best. Though it is somewhat irrelevant now because of how fast life changes and passes, it still hits close to home. 

 

This is simply happening because I cannot find the courage to tell you. Why do I feel better sharing it with everyone but you? You'll never find this, you probably don't care. But I care, and I think that's what my issue is.

Why do I care so much for someone who sits here and plays with my feelings? You have no problem playing with my heart, my life, my love. I care so much it's tearing me apart. I care so much that I don't let you see how much it actually hurts because that's not what you want to see, right? You want to see me smiling, but does it feel good to know the smile you're looking at isn't real? I watch as you tell me one thing and do another. One day you love me, the next day you can barely stand talking to me. It's a constant game of bullshit that for some reason I can't help but play.

I allow myself to love you when all you do is hurt me. I know I'm in the wrong, I know I can do something to change it. But that's the shittiest part of this entire relationship. I cannot help but keep myself in this because I love you.

Why did your love become something I crave? Why did it become something so complex when it was once so perfect. Am I missing something? Is there someone else? How can there be so many questions that I can't answer? But also, why do I not want to know the answer?

Maybe I care so much because I know who you really are. Maybe I care because I know who you once were. Maybe I care simply because my heart and soul are invested into you. But at the same time, maybe I'm just a fool.

I sit here and think that maybe one day you'll wake up and realize this all isn't who you are, and I can't wait to have YOU back.

Love always,

Me.

 

Published by Kaycee Mas