We all know that Anxiety and downward spirals cannot be predicted nor can they be easily shifted- Mine happen pretty frequently and My mind gives into them, I get a major appetite with cravings i can never seem to satisfy, i'm tired all the time, with zero motivation and general Blah-ness about life- now as i type this its become a lot more aparent that PMS could be the trigger. That ugly time of the month that rares its head to turn you into the very person your trying to avoid. 

I am pretty much back to the insane amount of pie consumption and countless Cola bottles, going to bed at 11 or 12 when i need to be up at 3-4 am to go to work, and today was the first time in, I don't know how long, that i actually had vegetables. When I Finally get that strength to pull out of it, I go almost Super Saiyen mad at myself for letting it get that far again. I had given up, lost all hope. Then i get the determined thoughts going, "i'm not going to let it happen again" "this time, I WILL DO IT" and the ever so famous "Never again" I start writing endless goals and fill my head with encouraging plans and goals and tell myself its going to work this time... How do I Push Past the Loop?

Well this time I am going to try something I haven't tried before. I'm going to make another doctors appointment, get the results of my blood test from a month ago (woops) up my prescription for my Anti-Depressants (cause shock, i haven't been taking those either) and finally accept that as of this moment, I don't want anymore kids and seek contraception, I will be trying an estrogen based pill rather than hormone based as that's the best bet for me, the only risk i'm worried about is the risk of weight gain, but if that starts to become and issue then i will look into something else. At least this way I can control my periods and hope they don't get me as far down as they have been.

I know your all probably thinking " god dammit woman just stop complaining and pull it together" But this is my journey, these are my struggles and I want to share them to show that your not alone, other people experience this bullshit too. Yes i give up way too easy and i make the same mistakes over and over but each mistake has been influencing more change that is different from before, i'm listening to my body and i am recognizing the signs of distress now, and I have never done that before.

I even crossed off one of my daily goals yesterday which was to do yoga, it was VERY basic and only 20 mins but it felt good to know that a tiny goal had been achieved.

Do you experience these symptoms? did you overcome them? If so How? 

I look forward to your feedback 

k x

Published by Kristy Paddison