For some reason my plan of switching off my phones by 9pm to avoid my girl's calls seems to be messing up. The reason(s) for me planning on switching off my phones is to give her some space because it seems, according to her, I'm "choking" her lately (not in those words), so i'm looking for a way to stop putting "pressure" on her.

It should be noted that for a ...couple of months now, we've been fighting over the issue of keeping late nights, i've often told her to call me up at 8pm if she's still out at that hour, just to let me know she'll be getting home late, I get worried easily because the streets are not safe at that hour. The reason I don't call her myself is because her phones rings endlessly most times without her answering, that can be troubling for someone like me with a very imaginative and sensitive mind (and she knows this). And on days she gets to pick my calls she's busy with one activity or the other, then I feel bad; either for disturbing, or for being rushed off the phone. That is the reason I told her to call me instead.

You might say "what does it matter if she calls or not," or "must you guys talk everyday?" let me say this, we humans are beings of habit whether we want to admit it or not, we don't really like CHANGE, most especially if the process of achieving it gets hard, or stressful, or if it's not in our immediate benefit (like what is going on in my country, Nigeria, right now). My girl and I have had this arrangement for a couple of years where we must speak daily, and it's been working fine all this while. So put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel if that changes suddenly for no apparent reason? How would you feel if your spouse tells you he/she was too tired and she feel asleep that was why you weren't reached, yet you saw updates on BBM, being online on WhatsApp till late, but not using those moments to say "goodnight"? Even though they know you cannot go to sleep all night without hearing from them? Wouldn't you feel like you're being avoided on purpose? And now they've come out bluntly to say you're putting "pressure" on them? C'mon mehn!

These and other reasons are why I decided to be switching off my phones by 9pm, but it's not working so far. The first day I was going to do it, she called by 8:38pm, and again yesterday she called by 8:13pm, it's just like she knows my plans, because for months she hasn't been calling before 9pm (it's eerie). And i'm 100% sure she doesn't know this blog site exists, she doesn't even read blogs, so there's absolutely no way she'll know of my previous posts.
Well, she called, and was like...

Her: hello
Me: hello
Her: good evening honey
Me: good evening how are you?
Her: how are you honey? How are you feeling now? Does your body still ache?
Me: I asked how you were first (laughs)
Her: i'm fine jor (laughs)
Her: it's you i'm worried about
Me: i'm good
Her: honey when are you coming over? Please come over tomorrow nau
Me: huh?
Me: I think you have some spiritual forces behind you o! (laughing)

*okay, this just got weird/awkward, how can I give her some space if we're together at her place? I could say I can't make it tomorrow*

Her: honey what did you say? I didn't hear you it's a bit noisy here
Me: where are you?
Her: i'm at the junction buying suya
Me: okay
Her: what did you say earlier?
Me: i'll tell you when we see tomorrow

*Hmmm...yep, I didn't say no*

Her: okay honey. Have you eaten?
Me: yes mummy
Her: ok baby
Me: get home and get to bed early
Her: ok honey, goodnight, see you tomorrow
Me: sweet dreams.

It's past 7pm and i'm laying on the bed in my girl's place, I let myself in about an hour ago (I have my keys). She'll be home when she closes from work.
This is me, the same me who has been looking for a way to give her some space and curb my yearning for her, still rushing over to her place when she asked of me. In my mind i'm saying maybe i'm misunderstanding the whole situation about what she meant by putting "pressure" on her. But what if i'm not? What if my being here puts even more "pressure" on her? What if i'm just being paranoid? Or what if she really wants some space but wants it on her on terms? Did I make a mistake coming over? I guess time will tell on that, but one thing i'm sure of at this moment is that...I'M A SUCKER FOR LOVE! DAMN!!!

 

Published by Al Phacarl