About three days ago, when my girl told me I was putting "pressure" on her, I was so sure she was tired of me and/or the relationship, because I couldn't see how my wanting her to prove she's still in love with me was "pressure", all I saw was her being fed up and looking for excuses to put some space between us, so I decided to give her just that, but on my ow...n terms.
Anyway, my plan was a failure as I couldn't avoid her calls, and as if that wasn't "bad" enough, I came over to her place when she asked of me. As at the time I came in yesterday, I wasn't sure if my coming over was a mistake or not.

See I've often heard that the basis for a happy relationship is Communication and Involvement, and even though I believed that to be true, I noticed last night, that I haven't really been practising it. It's true we do talk (I do most of the talking though), but we never actually COMMUNICATE.

My girl came in at about 9:30pm, and she was so excited seeing me that i started feeling bad for even thinking of giving her some space initially, I was now even more confused as to why she said I was putting "pressure" on her when she clearly loves being around me. We exchanged pleasantries, and talked a bit about our day while she quickly sorted out clothes to iron, as there hasn't been "light" in her area for a while, in fact the first thing she said when she first came in the door was, "honey you brought our light." We talked about nothing in particular while she ironed her clothes, and after she started transferring some notes of the midweek sermon to writing pad, while I browsed through my laptop for movies. She bathed thereafter and came to join me in bed, she ate some cookies with a bottle of malt (she made me take a sip), while I played the movie God's Of Egypt, although she doesn't fancy violent movies (unlike me), I knew she would like the love theme the movie had. After the first scene I remembered having the dvd in my bag, so I turned off the laptop, got the disc, and played it on the dvd (home theatre) system instead. But just about 30minutes into the movie PHCN struck, the power went out, and the room was pitch black. Then her soft, cool, voice came through the dark...

Her: honey, how are you really?

Me: i'm fine dear (I said pulling her closer)

Her: i'm scared honey, i'm scared about us

Me: what exactly is scaring you dear?

Her: our relationship

Her: it's like no matter what I do I end up displeasing you. You are right when you say i've changed, I notice I am now more opinionated, even at the office, did I get the word right?

Me: yeah you got it right, and there's nothing wrong with being opinionated sometimes

Her: I don't think i'm that little girl who's okay with being told what to do all the time anymore, it's not like I don't listen to you, I just want my opinion to count sometimes too, and I know you don't like when you tell me to do something and I don't

Me: (silence)

Her: I think you are still with me because your business isn’t going too well right now, I feel when you become successful you'll leave me for a better option, because your ego wouldn't let you settle for a girl who is as opinionated as I am now, it's like no matter how hard I try I can't please you, you get angry at me for one reason or another everyday honey

*i was beginning to see where she was coming from, she was scared my attitude towards her was contempt, that I was actually tired of her and when the opportunity comes I was going to leave her*

Her: honey you even ended the relationship the last time you were here, you told me it was over, you packed your things and walked out on me

*okay, now it's clear how much a mess I created there. What happened that day was, I saw a WhatsApp chat of hers with her childhood friend called JB the previous night, the guy was chatting in a way I wasn't comfortable with, she asked him to take her out for pizza, and he demanded for a kiss for it, when she said no to the kiss, he said no guy takes a girl out these days for just a "thank you" afterwards, during the course of their chat he asked "if i wanted to marry you right now won't you leave your boyfriend for me," though her answer was "no I won't," but which man would take this kind of chat? they exchange phone calls too, so I can only imagine the conversations. The whole chat was just flirty and disrespectful to me and even to her, but when I confronted her about it she just laughed it off saying he was just kidding around that nothing he said was serious? (C'mon mehn!) I was pissed at either her naivety, or the pleasure she was getting from their chat. But who would blame me, when this JB guy was part of a bad memory she planted in my head in the beginning of our relationship (time won't let me get into that now). But about me ending the relationship...?*

Me: actually, I wasn't serious, I just wanted to see how you would react, I was hoping you would try to stop me or something, but u didn't

Her: I wanted to, but I was so helpless, and I didn't want the reason you're staying to be because I begged you to, I felt it will be delaying the inevitable

Me: how would I have done that to you when you were leaving for work that morning? That's wicked na

Her: I wouldn't have gone to work

Me: I don't get

Her: I would have stayed home that day

Me: doing what?

Her: I would have cried my eyes out throughout

Me: i'm so sorry about that dear, that wasn't my intention, I was never going to leave, but that chat was way off

Her: trust me honey it was nothing, he was only being his comedic self, he was joking, it's not even possible, if I kiss JB he will fall under the anointing (laughing)

Me: huh?

Her: he knows that is not possible

*I didn't get the "fall under the anointing" joke but decided not to push further*

Me: sweetie there's no one I rather be with, not now not ever

Her: you don't know that honey

Me: yes I do, I know what I want in life, It's you I want to get rich and stay rich with, it's you I can trust, there's no way money would make me lose the most important thing to me, and i'm not just saying, i'm sure you listen to the lyrics of my songs I write about you, and you know I mean everything I write

Her: yes honey I listen to them, but you know money changes people

*Actually, I don't believe in the ideology that money changes people, I think money brings out the real you, you have always been that way, money just gives you the excuse/opportunity to reveal your true nature. But I didn't argue that fact with her*

Me: me love, there's no amount of money that would make me give up love for someone who only knew me because I have money, when I have someone who inspired me to make the money in the first place?

Her: honey

Me: I thought your change of attitude was because you were tired of me and the relationship and wanted a break, I felt you were no longer in love, maybe you were changing because some other guy was in the picture

Her: I never stopped loving you honey, I was just confused and scared, and there's no other guy in the picture honey

Me: don't worry dear from now on i'm going to listen to you, and we'll talk through anything together, your opinion matters to me, i'm so sorry for the way i've been treating you, all that has changed from here on

Her: thank you honey

Me: I love you dear

Her: I love you honey (hugging me closer)

*maybe instead of thinking of how to give her some space then, I should have been thinking about communicating with her to find out what she meant by me putting "pressure" on her, now I really feel stupid because she was only reacting out of fear, fear that she no longer pleased me, she felt all I was doing was finding excuses to leave her, all the while I was thinking she was doing the same?*

Me: you should go to bed now Me love there's work tomorrow

Her: (silence)

Me: (smiled)

*I could hear the soft rhythm of her breathing, she had fallen asleep, and I could feel how peaceful she was, and when I looked at the time it was 1:22am...*

Me: sweet dreams my baby (whispering)

#LoveSaga #CrazyLove #AlPhacarl #PyroLord #LordEmperor #Empyro

Published by Al Phacarl