Today I finished "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child." I won't try to give away any details here, but in one part Harry says something along the lines of, "I rid myself of him physically but not mentally."

And I immediately realized how much this phrase applied to my own life. I recognized when I had toxic people in my life and I was eventually able to rid myself of them. Yet, I still will find myself getting the urge to see what they are doing, I still have flashbacks to the terrible memories I have of them and get angry about it all over again. 

I knew the immediate response to cure this would be, "to just let go" but that is way easier said than done. I can let go of people who used to make me happy, but people who made me miserable is for some reason another story. 

So, naturally, I went straight to google. Although nothing came up for my specific search of mentally getting rid of people, everything came up for how to recognize a toxic person and how to distance yourself from this person.  And when reading the signs, I noticed how every one of them was applicable to the people I'm hung up on. 

So why didn't I realize it sooner? Why was I so immature, so ignorant? All the signs were there!

And I realized what I'm probably holding most of the grudge against is really myself. Present me, looking into the past, pissed at past me for not making better decisions. 

Now I realize what I could have done differently, but there is nothing I can do about that now, unless i want to continue to be upset.

So, I need to get this anger out of me once and for all. I decided I would write a list of everything that would still pop up in my mind, every fridge I still had. Then I wrote why I did that at the time, and then I wrote what I would do now. 

Then I ripped up the paper and threw it away. I got it all out of my head and on to paper, it is time to start thinking of better things.

Published by Anne Flamio