Two months ago I found myself coming to the end of my relationship with my partner of five years. My feelings for him had changed a long long time ago but we had been together that long and I had got so used to being in a relationship I didn’t know how to ‘manage’ my feelings.

Without going into the story too much I had been let down one two many times by him and the last let down was the final straw. I didn’t care for him like I used to but I found it extremely difficult to end the relationship. I went as far as not answering any calls or texts and hoping he’d get the idea. Childish yes but I was afraid of actually plucking up the courage and ending the relationship.

You’re going to find me even more childish now but I ended the relationship with a text :s I was so angry with him over being let down (again) and other things that had happened that I didn’t want to talk to him, hear his voice or look at his face. I have never felt so angry with a person in my life. And that was it. His phone number was blocked and deleted and he was also blocked and deleted on Facebook. I wanted every single bit of him out of my life. Photos of us both were shoved in a box and any of his belongings were thrown out. As a colleague said to me “At least you did it with style!”.

I told a few friends that I had ended the relationship and they were incredibly supportive. But it seemed like every two minutes they were asking if I was ok or not. I don’t think they believed me when I told them that I actually was OK.

I have been suffering with depression for the last year and half which at first I thought was work related but I came to realise after ending the relationship that it was also him that was bringing me down.

I had never felt so relieved and free and it all came just by sending one text message. (I know I shouldn’t have done it that way but that was the best way for me at the time.)

If I didn’t text back within 5 minutes I was getting phone calls asking if I was OK, my work friends were the same it was like no one could believe I could be fine after a break up.

So then I was thinking… is this normal for a break up?  Should I be upset?

How should I feel?

We are so used to seeing horrid breakups on TV shows and films that we don’t have a realistic view of what it should really be like. Should I lock myself in my house like Carrie did when she broke up with big? Or going out letting my hair down, smoking pot and nearly getting arrested like she did when Berger wrote her the post it?

I can honestly tell you that everything in my life has changed for the better.

My relationships with my friends have become stronger. I have more time for myself and I have started a fitness regime that I could never have even thought about while in the relationship.

 

So I want your opinion. Am I a cold hearted bitch? Or did he turn me into a cold hearted bitch?

 

Have you had a similar break up?

 

The Starfleet Blogger

 

P.S.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I am a bitch through and through straight down to the bone but cold hearted is something I have never seriously considered myself being until now.

Published by The Starfleet Blogger