I recently watched an independent film called “Admins”; you can’t catch it in theaters, but it is on Vimeo. This was my experience watching it on the website.

    Someday I will die, and one of the last words out of my mouth will be “What was Admins?” This creepy mix of Office Space, Workaholics and the psychological Id of bored young men working a desk job still gives me questions.

    Like who approved this? Director Aaron Goodmiller throws in numerous pop culture references and cheap jokes; that stuff made me chuckle. Then there’s the sex talk that borders on the absurd. Like seriously.

    Do you know what a rape voucher is? I wish this movie hadn’t told me. The lead character/guy who came up with that fantasy is Dan (Jay Saunders) is a system administrator that works for a government contractor. He fixes phones and has access to employee’s computers.I gleamed that information out, cause Dan spends a lot of time at work not actually working.

    He spends most of it with his friend Randy (Doug Henderson). Randy is what happens if you took T.J. Miller and ratcheted up the creep factor to 11. He likes to watch porn on his phone at work; in fact, I’d say he obsesses about it. While writing this, I almost couldn’t figure out which parts to include to show how weird he was. Was it when he rips off a speech from A Few Good Men to justify his existence? Or is it a rant he gives in public about how men love to be flashed by a woman’s no-no parts? He also likes to make racist jokes about Indians. 

    Randy’s inappropriateness doesn’t matter, because he’s an FTE (full-time employee). Basically, he can’t be let go like admins can. That’s a problem for Dan, who needs a job. He attempts to suck up to his hot boss Kathy (Devon Saunders) by doing work for her. This comes at the expense of his homely but good-natured co-worker Vera (Rebecca Wahls). Yes, they’re supposed to be love interests.

    But that sort of relationship belongs in a much sweeter film. Admins is shockingly dirty, and I don’t mean that in a prudish sort of way. I can take sexual content on my screen and not be offended. But I was confused at how characters here can watch porn at work, flash their breasts, admit they masturbate in the office to a lie detector and discuss raping women in the friendly way they do here.

    Oh yeah, about that voucher. Dan has a fantasy that he compares to a “get out of jail free card”, except it allows him to have sex with any woman he wants, regardless if she actually wants it. Yeah, it’s disgusting, but at this point there was so much talk about sex on my screen that I couldn’t work up the anger to be offended by it.

    I liked most of the performances here. Saunders has a slow-burn energy to him that’s effective and Henderson is a total sleazeball. 

    The main problem is were dropped into this work place with no real orientation to what these characters do. If I knew that Dan had to fix some phones by noon, but he was too horny and had to watch porn instead, that would give the story some stakes. But instead, characters just walk around, chat, and talk about sex while occasionally working. Considering how everything here is so easy, why not come in on your off day?

    I’ll admit I chuckled quite a bit. I’m a sucker for swear words and dirty jokes. If there cheap laughs, then so be it, I’m a cheap person. 

    But one thing I don’t skimp on is a good plot, and Admins doesn’t really have that. Things happen around Dan, and the few decisions he makes just come off as weird. Why do you need your boss to flash her breasts at you? More importantly, why does she do it?

    Is this really how government contractors operate? If it is, I’m even more scared for America than I was already. I can have a laugh at some dumb things people do at work, but as this movie went on I sat there wondering if this kind of stuff really happens. 

    Is this meant to be a movie satirizing the office workplace? Is it a banal sex comedy? Is it both? Those are questions that’ll haunt me for years to come. What was Admins?