This is based on a post I wrote on my  own blog, but I have decided to post it here because I feel it is important. 

Anxiety has been a problem for me for years, but it has always been manageable. It used to be anyway. By the time GCSE’s came around, I was an anxious wreck. Now, it is normal for anyone to be anxious about an exam. I’d be worried for you if you weren’t. With Autism, feelings feel worse than they are. Things feel a lot bigger. My anxiety got worse, and  I ended up having a panic attack in the car, when I was 16. That's where it began to get worse.

I've had anxiety for a long time, but it became worse at that point, to the point where I had to go to The Doctors. The anxiety was so bad that I became agoraphobic. When I go out, I had stomach pains, I consistently need to go to the toilet just to cope, and I hated crowded spaces, and I always tried to avoid certain routes to avoid certain people. It is essentially a mix of nervous energy, adrenaline, potentially the amount of caffeine I used to have in my system, and the sensory overload. Before I went to the doctors, I was having to prepare to go out. I had to really focus on controlling myself. It wasn't right.

I decided enough was enough. It had gotten even worse, due to family crisis, and it did get to the point where I had enough. I was sick, and I needed help. The only way to not be sick is to get help. I decided to go to The Doctors, and after my consultation I was put on pills. I am on Sertraline, 50mg, and I am going to be attending stress control classes in my University. Since I've been on my medication, I have coped a lot better than I have been. I take them every night, and all the feelings I have are less than what they used to be, and I just generally feel happier and more at ease with myself.

I no longer feel ashamed talking about it. It was hard to admit that, and writing this blog for billions of people to read about my plight is quite a thought to ponder. But mental illness  is very much a problem that’s ignored, and not very well educated on. And so is Autism. My point is, people need to understand their heads, and their issues. You can’t leave it untreated as long as I did. I don’t blame anyone or anything for the way I am, as I was born this way. I certainly believe things exacerbate the condition, like the exams we have in school etc., but there is no one to blame. It is really in my head. And the fact I wrote and will share this post is a testament to the message I am sharing. Get those thoughts and feelings shared, and don’t bottle it in.

I submit that I will never be cured of Autism, nor my anxiety completely. But I do think I can come to terms with my condition and cope better. That's why I write this blog, and that's why I write. I write to help people. I hope you have a good day, and whatever demons you're battling, just remember that there's a light at the end of every tunnel.

Published by Ben Attwood