It's hard, like super hard, to trust someone new with your heart after going through a really bad breakup.  And once you do start to trust them, it's still difficult to let it be 100%.

This is where I'm at in life.

I love this boy, but my entire being is fighting to tell me I can't.

My mind tells me that since I'm the girl, I shouldn't say it first.  My thoughts make me think it could be too soon, but it's been 3 months.  And the caution signs on my heart say that even if I said it first, he doesn't have to say it back.  My soul cries be careful because we can't go through another hard time.

How can i confidently feel that I love him, but all these things make it impossible to just tell him?

He makes me happy.  And I really do see a future with him... But because of the pain I've experienced in the past, it's like I am too traumatized for my heart to let me love him.

If that doesn't tell you how scary love can be then maybe this will...

"It is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks.  Car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper.  But the sound of a heart breaking is completely silent.  Almost as though no one, not even the universe itself could create a sound for such devastation.  Almost as though silence is the only way the universe could pay its respect to the sound of a heart falling apart."

-Nikita Gill, The Sound of Heartbreak

I love that quote because it's so on point with how heartbreak truly is.  I've been there... Laying on the ground, crying at 3 am, barely any air flowing through me because it was hard to breathe.  The pain was that strong.

So why would I ever want to risk feeling that again?  Why WOULDN'T I be afraid?

Published by Dominique Nehl