She prays. She feels trapped. She tries to work. She cries. She works harder. If she can just get it all done, he will love her. He will see how badly she wants this and it will work.

She tries. She fakes it. She pretends she does not know. She is bitter. She is angry. She has failed. She can't fix this. She is the worst mother. She is the worst wife. She is so sad and so tired. She is disappointed.

There is no future here. Her plans are dead. There is always someone else. No life. No energy. No plans. She cannot see hope. He tells her she does not have the guts to leave him. Without him, she is nothing. He's right. She cries.

She wants this. She does not know how. She tells. Again she tries. She tells and she tries. She is afraid of what she will find at night when she gets home. He lies. She can do this. She can fix it.

She loves him. She loves these kids. She cannot meet their demands. He shooshes her voice. Sits up late. Avoids her. She is afraid of the outbursts and of the blackness inside him.

He is heavy.  He is slow. The weight is suffocating her.

She wanted perfect. She wanted laughter. She does not belong here. This was not her dream. She would be nothing without him. She is nothing here. She has nothing. No voice. It is his.

She is angry now. She needs answers. She wants to heal. She pushes. She begs him to get help. She begs him to help. She avoids him.  Avoids the conflict. She stays quiet and pretends she does not know. 

She is lost. Who is this girl? She does not know. She is afraid. She wonders how to leave.

Published by Kristy Hunt