Dear younger self,

I am sorry.

I’m sorry that you spend your childhood feeling that you are stupid and misunderstood. As an adult, you will learn that you likely suffered depression and anxiety from an early age. Don’t blame your parents. They didn’t know much about mental illness at that time; they did the best they could. Remember, it was a learning experience for your family as well.

As for school, you were not stupid. Education is a cookie cutter system. It has the side effect of making any child who does not fit into the mold feel “stupid.” You just did not fit into the education mold. However, you are intelligent in other areas. For instance, you do know a lot about other countries, their cultures, and their politics. You also become quite talented at writing, blogging and photography.

Subsequently, I am sorry that you felt that you were a “bad child.” You were an independent thinker. However, as a child, you weren’t aware of how to use that trait appropriately, yet. As a result, it tended to get you into a bit of trouble. It is okay, though, as an adult, you learn that being a complacent child is not always a good thing. You will also learn the correct times to use your “independent thinking.”

Finally, the thing that I am most sorry about is that you will experience the traumatic death of a friend at 18. You will then go on to have a permanent struggle with anxiety. I am afraid there is not much you can do to change this fact. Although, I can confidently say that you will work your way through in the end. Things will look bleak at times; you will even seriously contemplate death and suicide sometimes. However, even though you experience a bumpy road; I can assure you that it is worth it to stick around. After all, you will have a beautiful son at 21 who will change your life; despite the fact that you place him for adoption.

In conclusion, if I can offer you a piece of advice; just continue being you and do not apologize for who you are. You are, in fact, awesome; people will want to be your friend because you are a kind and empathetic person. Do not change and do not let your experiences make you bitter; even if it is tempting.

Lots of love,

26-year-old Melissa

 

Note: I originally wrote this piece on my blog as part of the Wordpress “Learning The Fundamentals” course and for the Discover Challenge; both are hosted by the Daily Post.

Published by Melissa Rose