An open letter to my abusive and mostly absent father. I wrote this letter on Father's Day 2016. 

Growing up, home was a scary place where abuse was the daily ritual. Today, I'm 23 years old and you'd imagine I'd be bitter around Father's Day, but I'm incredibly thankful. 

I can't thank you for being an asshole, cause abuse should never be applauded, but I am thankful nonetheless. 

Today I am 23 and I am fearless. Every time you screamed at me you were, in fact, cheering me on and every time you pushed me around, you were pushing me forward in life. Many nights I was too afraid to say a word, but today I have found my voice and this voice is raised higher than any man's rage. 

This Father's Day, I have no idea where you are, but I was not fatherless.  You don't need a biological father to have a father. I am blessed with an all in one mom. With you never being there for me, I have an extra strong bond with my mom. The position of 'father' has also been filled by many other amazing people, God and knowing that I don't need to find a father to find myself. 

So, I don't know about you, but to me it is a very happy Father's Day indeed. 

 

*If you're reading this and had the same experience, I want you to know that we are blessed. We were pushed to grow stronger and wiser beyond our age and this inner strength gives us the fearlessness to experience more in life, because we know we can survive and this makes us free. 

I wouldn't trade this freedom for any father in the world. 

 

 

 

Published by Dinie