Dear you,

Honestly you'll probably never read this letter. You'll never know how I really felt about you or how much I cared for you. You'll never know how you made me feel or how much I actually liked you. But at least I know that this is out there and if you really wanted to, you could probably find it.

We met way back in elementary school. Probably when boys still thought girls had cooties and vice versa. But there was something different about you that I feel like only I could see. You weren't just another boy in my class, you weren't an obnoxious kid that was super loud and annoying. You were a boy that I really liked.

As we grew up, I thought I'd grow out of this 'phase' I thought I was in. I thought that as I got older I would move on and have different feelings about different boys. I didn't. Moving from elementary school to middle. I still liked you....a lot. You had a way to make me smile that no one else could figure out. You treated me respectfully, even if you didn't have the same feelings. So you see, obviously I couldn't move on. But you did. You found another girl and didn't even so much as glance at me for a really long time. It sucked. But I pushed through. I tried to distract myself from any thought of you by throwing myself into my school work and extracurricular activities. I thought that if I distanced myself from you, these strong feelings would go away. I was wrong again.

It was you who I always looked for as I walked through the halls. It was you I wished the teacher would sit me next to in class when we got new seating charts. It was you my eyes found no matter where we were. It was you I hoped you notice me when I was upset or mad. It was always you.

However, you didn't notice me at all. You probably never thought of me as anything more than a friend. Even though I wanted a real relationship, you never did. And god knows I don't have the easy confidence to make my own move. I'd throw subtle hints towards you, help you out on school work, aim to walk next to you in the hall. Have my friends talk to you for me because I was too shy to do it on my own. But none of it worked.

Finally, I managed to get over you. At least, mostly. Did I have the same strong feelings as I did in the past? Nah, those were long gone. I got tired of waiting for something that would never happen. Did I still get a couple of butterflies every time you talked to me? Uh, maybe. If you would've asked me on a date or flirted a bit, would I have been ecstatic? Honestly I don't know. I waited for what seemed like forever. I never even really looked at another guy. But while I was busy noticing how much I liked you, I didn't notice how much you changed.

But, now that I'll probably never ever see you again, I can move on. I don't think about you all the time. I don't spend every 11:11 wish and shooting star wish on you even though I'm 18 and shouldn't even believe in that kind of stuff. I don't hope to run into you just so we can say hi. When we do manage to bump into each other at the store or whatever, there are no butterflies. Our conversation is a normal one between friends. I'm okay.

Maybe one day our paths will cross. Maybe fate will bring us together and something will spark between us. But for now, I wanted to say goodbye. Because I can and have the strength to. So goodbye. I hope that you're happy with whatever you make of your life. I hope that you meet someone who looks at you like I used to and cares about you like I did. Goodbye.

Sincerely, Me

Published by Dallas Gomez