Hey...

I hate you.

You make me feel like I don’t deserve anything good in this world. You consume me everyday and fill me with this emptiness that constantly yearns to be filled. Honestly you make me feel bipolar and insane sometimes.

I can never enjoy the moment when you’re right next to me hovering and waiting to attack. Can I just get this one moment please? This moment where I actually want to be a part of this life on earth, where I can see why people value life as this precious entity and where death is the ultimate enemy.

You blind me. You over exaggerate the negative, you make me feel like I can’t handle anything and everything is out of my control. I can’t even answer “how are you” without feeling that sting from you. You constantly remind me of what’s missing, you instill this fear of loneliness and an unwelcome depressive state….you never fail to enter my thoughts when I’m at my weakest.

There are times where I can’t help but succumb to you. Where you manage to encourage me to withdraw from my life into isolation. Where everything and everyone that brought me comfort, joy and peace ceases to exist. Apathy, indifference and bitterness manifests into the darkest of days.

But you will never get to shut off the light that fills me up from the person I lost and who ironically introduced me to you. You cannot pierce the love of my mother. You can take everything away from me but the foundation she laid will never leave me; her legacy and memories live in me. She was God’s biggest blessing and you will never ever truly take her away from me.

You can engulf me and temporarily disable me but you are not me.

*withlovekrista.wordpress.com

Published by Krista Parker