First and foremost, I forgive you, but screw you. You have no right to use your words and actions to body shame me and make me feel bad about the way I look because I do not look exactly like a photoshopped model. I never have and I never will look like that so don’t hold me to a fake and unrealistic standard. We live in a culture where from birth it is reinforced that if we do not look a certain way or wear certain things,then we are inferior or unattractive. I do not need you or people like you telling me I’m not good enough. It’s bad enough that I already tear myself down on a regular basis. You didn’t need to add to it. You made me even more self conscious because you would talk to other girls who were absolutely gorgeous which in my mind made me think, “well geez, am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Is my personality lacking that much that he has to go around chasing other women?” You knew my insecurities and the low self confidence I exhibit, yet, you chose to further push me down. As much as I hate to admit this, you made me feel so bad about myself even after ditching me to the curb, I joined a gym. I began to count calories and spend 3 hours almost everyday in the gym. I became careful about what I ate and how much I ate and not in a healthy way either. I thought plastering my face with a ton of makeup would hide the circles under my eyes from sleepless nights because of my chronic illness. I thought that concealer would hide the small acne breakouts from my hormone therapies. I thought the empty smile would hide the pain I felt emotionally about myself. I thought that looser clothing would hide my “endo belly” enough for you not to notice when I was in pain. I was so self conscious about these things. But the thing is, it didn’t hide it all. It made me someone I didn’t even recognize or know. But, you know what? You are the example of what is wrong with society. We should inspire, motivate, encourage and build one another up. Not tear people down. That gets us no where. If everyone in society is negative, sad, judgmental and self degrading over physical appearance, what does that teach our youth? They look up to us and learn from us. You should be healthy and take care of yourself of course, but that doesn’t mean that if you’re not a size 0-2 with a petite figure that you’re ugly and repulsive. It is okay for women to have wide hips. And you know what? We will carry around a little pooch on our stomachs because we are the ones gifted with the ability to bring a child into this world. It shouldn’t matter how wide my hips are, how big my thighs are, what color my hair is, what color my eyes are, what kind of body shape I have and so on. We are all created uniquely. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Who do you think you are that you have the authority to judge the creation of the God of the universe? You’re shallow. The fact that you judge my worth based on my outter appearance makes you shallow and lacking in character. I have so much to offer. I am smart. I am honest and trustworthy. I will drop everything I am doing to listen to your problems. I give a lot of myself and often put others before myself. I give even when I don’t have. I am kind. I am a geeky nerd full of corny jokes. I am strong because I deal with a chronic illness with no cure. Most of the time you can’t even tell that I’m in pain. I love being spontaneous and adventurous. Perhaps I’m too much of a woman for you to handle since you’re still just a boy due to the lack of maturity and values you display. A true man would look at the internal aspects and weigh them more heavily than outward appearance. Looks are fleeting and won’t last forever, but my personality, although it is ever evolving and changing, lasts for a life time. I am not fat. I am not ugly. My hips may be wide and my thighs may be huge from the many years of soccer I played, but that makes me, me. My hair and eyes are brown and they’re beautiful regardless of your opinion, which quite frankly has no deep value in the grand scheme of things. I laugh often and too loud. I have my issues, but everyone is always going through something and those events shape us into the individuals we are today. The only thing ugly here is you and the way you treat people. I hope that one day you realize you hurt me and probably several other girls. You treated me like an object and when I wasn’t aesthetically pleasing enough, you looked for other girls instead of just being honest with me. The worst part is that you never said sorry and you probably see nothing wrong with what you did and continue to do. I hope one day you will have the ability to look deep within someone and recognize their worth based on personality and the wisdom they carry. I hope you won’t find appearance at the top of your list when searching for your future wife. I hope that one day you will be humbled and have a new perspective of life in general and the things that are truly beautiful and important. Sincerely, A beautiful spunky brunette who is more beautiful than before

Published by Kaylyn Thigpen