Okay, I might be sounding a little bitter in the sentence I’m about to write but honestly I’ve come to my senses and I think I’m right. So here it goes: why would you want your boyfriend to be your best friend? I mean people obviously think it’s the right thing because it’s the main person you’ll rely on in life. But what if you break up with him? What if you’re having problems that you’re not so sure to tell him yet? Who can you tell those things to? And you maybe think “a girl”, well yeah it’s true but honestly, a girl is going to think the same way as you do and  that’s not gonna help so much. Besides, if you break up with that person it’s too much. I mean it’s just too painful. You did not only broke up with your boyfriend but also your best friend. That kinda sucks right? 

But, why am I telling you this anyway? Well.. I think I screwed up. I did it. My boyfriend is also my best friend and at first let me tell you, it was freaking amazing. He always love me the way I was and because he knew me he didn’t expected me to act a certain way.. Until he did. He started questioning things that I didn’t understand, things that I usually did to my boyfriends all the time, why would he be mad I remember thinking, until I realized. He was my friend before, he expects me to act like the friend I was, he doesn’t want me to treat him as my boyfriend! I mean I don’t think he had trouble with the kissing or anything, but he misses the chats we would have, the ones that I can only tell my best friend to. The troubles I had with guys, he couldn’t hear those anymore, so why woul he want me to change? 

Right now, all I have is a boyfriend who says is my best friend yet I can’t tell him how I feel cause if I do, he’s going to take things personally, as in if he did something wrong and he didn’t, I did. I let this happen. I was watching Grey’s anatomy and there was this scene that hit me like a punch in my face. It was about the relationship Derek and Meredith had. Derek told Mere he loved her very dearly but that he didn’t felt the same commitment from her. He told her, “You say you’re fine, you come and love me and then leave me when something happens, not your friends, just me, I love you but if you don’t love me enough I want you to put an end to this misery”. I cried, I legit cried and realized I’m her. I love him so much but sometimes I just can’t but want him to leave me alone and let me figure things out from my own. 

I don’t know if I’m being overly dramatic, maybe I just had a huge dose of Netflix and I’m making things up in my mind, but what if I’m not? I have this amazing boyfriend, I’m so lucky, why don’t I feel lucky? I have all the reasons to be happy, yet I’m not. 

So, is it me or just a HUGE dose of Netflix and chill? 

Published by Miranda Hernandez