What is the norm at an auspicious moment such as this, is celebration for reaching a milestone. Unfortunately, I've nothing to celebrate for having my blog hit the five year mark, and the reason is glaring. I started this blog with three blogposts in one day, and except for one day for the rest of that month, I made posts daily, sometimes twice a day. Yes, those must've been the days when I was so excited that I could just about write on any subject matter that tickled my fancy, and I had requisite muse and inspiration to do so. Sadly, the exact opposite is the case today. And that is the core of my frustration, the fact that I can't seem to be able to replicate the feat of those early days of my blogging career. I can hardly average five posts in a month these days, though on the flip side it would seem like in blogging not too so often, the penchant or likelihood for putting up mediocre posts are reduced, but deep inside I still wish I could blog more often. One of the things I developed over time, of blogging, was never to pressure myself to put up posts, rather to wait for it to come naturally to me, both in the subject and the willingness to blog, and it really did work to my advantage for a while, until the hiatus and gulf between one post and the next began to become uncomfortably wider than anticipated, to the sorry state that I've found myself today. What I then elected to do was to ensure that I managed to at least post a few for the month, to ensure that no month was left behind. You'd think this would be easy to accomplish, unfortunately I was increasingly finding it difficult to even fulfill the meagre quota I allocated myself monthly, and forcibly writing something, regardless of whether I had the muse or inspiration or not. I even opened up to having guest posts for a while to help me meet up, and it did work, but only for a while till the contributor found and followed other interests. Soon, the need to meet up with the minimum standards I set for myself in terms of output, outweighed any desire to avoid writing mediocre posts, but most times, I found that all I needed to do was just start writing, and whatever it is that propelled words into qwerty naturally found a way to fill up the screen of my notepad with words, and all I had to do was set the words in their right places and hope to make sense at least. Unfortunately, it's not something I could easily replicate when it comes to responding to comments, since I must commit to comprehending the comment, and responding appropriately, leading to a situation, where for the first time in a long while, I've a small queue of comments awaiting responses from me. I hate to place the blame of my poor showing here to the fact that I also started another blog to focus on local Nigerian issues somewhere along the line. That also haven't fared any better, seeing that I've gotten used to going a few months without a post on that platform (www.madukovich.blogspot.com.ng), and it hurts me a great deal to see that lie fallow with scarce input from me, further compounding my angst and helplessness, at my seeming inability to speedily turn things around there, as well as here. Interestingly, it has never occurred to me to have the blogs closed, because I believe that this uninspiring state of affairs will give way to the contrary, and all I must do is ride this out, while exploring avenues to turn things around for good. One other point I mustn't fail to mention, as contributory to my state of writing, is the impact of my keyboard to my writing, this is because the keyboard at my disposal at any point in time, goes a long way in determining my ease or lack thereof to write, and because I easily get tired of keyboards I tend to change them often. The joy of having a new keyboard sets the mood for writing a new post, but once I find it a drag, it immediately becomes harduous to follow through, and what should ordinarily take a less than an hour to swipe begins to look like eternity, unless I struggle to complete the post with the same keyboard, or download a new one to complete it, if by then I hadn't lost interest in the topic or subject, as the case may be. Such, and indeed more have been the situation I've found myself these past five years of maintaining and keeping this blog alive. I did have high hopes for what I initially had in mind, but going through the stats I'm disappointed with my performance, and hope I will once again be imbued with the kind of zeal with which I started, coupled with the inspiration to write each time I have to do so, and more frequently than what is currently obtainable on my blog. It is my hope that I don't get to write something similar to this shameful upbraiding of myself, when I review my blog this time next year. May this negative reinforcement via literary self-flagellation encourage me to do better, as I'm definitely not impressed with myself now. *buries head in shame* 'kovich PICTURE CREDIT: - https://www.otherthanlovie.wordpress.com AS MADUKOVICH'S COGITATIONS TURNS 5 https://madukovich.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/as-madukovichs-cogitations-turns-5/ via @madukovich

Published by m'khail madukovich