(I had a flick of Harley Quinn from suicide squad and her crazy smile while writing this)

This is a term that people have thrown around me for the past 3 years-since I first moved abroad. It's a term that I don't associate with myself and I struggle with. I have believed it to be more than the Oxford dictionary definition:

to make someone feel that they want to do something and can do it

to make someone have a particular strong feeling or reaction:
to give someone an idea for a bookfilmproduct, etc.

I mean I do tick these boxes. But there's more to it, like:

to lead by example and have your life encourage others to have the courage to become more
to be greater in every way and push beyond personal limits
to be happy to have others see you truly

I guess that encapulates other qualities but literally that's what I've held in my head as the reason as to why I cannot fit that word. I'm not leading by example because my personal life and how I conduct myself probably won't encourage others to become more nor would I be happy for others to see my struggle. Mate, I get more inspiration from the young people that tell me their dreams! They're the ones that push me to go beyond my limits. I don't want to share all of what I go through with travelling nor would I tell all, but it's not easy. We (as travellers that work outside of the 'home' country) make it look easy because we want to show strength and success. Noone wants to show their constant muck ups, failures and bad decisions. Let's be real.

However after several conversations I feel compelled to stop dragging my feet and start to push myself for me. To stop limiting myself and break personal barriers (tends to be social barriers really); to live in a way that I pick myself up often and don't wallow in a mess or floods of tears for a pity party. I'm definitely going to start seeing myself as more and acting accordingly. Being mediocre and using excuses as to why I don't go for more is terribly boring now. I'm 24 😕.


Originally posted on my personal blog, August 2016


Published by Kirah Grand