May 7, 2016 Marked my first year away from my family, friends, home and Philippines-my homeland.~

Where did time go? Time flies so fast! And this time, I promised to myself that I’d be oblivious no more. I told myself that I’d keep track of my life’s events such as; dates and places I have visited, events that I have involved myself with, acquaintances, people I met along the way that has become my friends, the feelings and thoughts, doubts and fears,  the good things…and even the bad ones.. highest and lowest of emotions… just everything..

I always thought of 2015 as the biggest turning point of my life —having been through a lot to deal with simultaneously was quite an experience I had. Leaving home is one of the hardest thing I ever did yet–nope, that should be leaving my comfort zone. Bearing the thought of living away from my mother  is even harder than it seems. For the past 26 years of our lives that we never left each others’  side through ups and downs, At first, I didn’t know how will I be able to handle and deal with things by myself. Somehow, it was also quite an adjustment for her. But I was really decided to leave; and it took a lot of courage for me to do that.  I wanted to do a lot of things simultaneously; I wanted to chase my dreams that has remained only dreams for years, I wanted to go places, I wanted to meet new people.Suddenly, I wanted a BIG change. I just realize how stagnant my life was.

I remember, this is not about me. This is about my God who miraculously moved in my life; from nothingness and brokenness to something else;to something better, at least. And He is still at work in me. The process was not easy, not even an inch the way I thought it was going to be. I have been through numerous tough times; verge of emotions, temptations, and even darkness. But it has been proven many times that when you are at your lowest, that’s the time that you experience your most profound worship; when your heart is breaking; when the pain is great and when God seems distant; it couldn’t get more difficult than that. I have always been tested, up until now. Sometimes, He is so silent and that silence hurts that it’s already deafening. Sometimes, you pray and rebuke the devil and nothing ever seems to happen; and that is because of sin (the only thing that separates us from God).

A test of faith and a question to myself; Will I still continue to trust, obey and worship Him in spite of all the circumstances I am facing…? I look at the sick people: Every time I wake up in the morning, there is someone who is fighting for his life; I look at the job hunters and job less: Every time I go to work, there are thousands of people who are looking for a job; I look at the beggars: Every time I eat, there are millions of people around the world who are starving; I look at the homeless: Every time I complain and rant about what is lacking in me; there are millions who doesn’t have a shelter; I look at the orphanage: many children suffer and long for a family; I look at the oppressed; I am a sinner but I am free. I look at the PWDs; I check on myself and I am normal and able. I look at the lost; I once was there, and now I am on the verge of losing myself again; do I want to go back? Knowing I  have those unappreciated blessings?  When I worry and feeling lonely: I look at the birds, sometimes I envy them. They don’t have to worry about anything, they are carefree, yet God takes care of them. Am I not much worthy than them? (Matthew 6:26)

Since God intends to make you like Jesus, he will take you through the same experiences Jesus went through. That includes loneliness, temptation, stress, criticism, rejection, and many other problems. The Bible says Jesus “learned obedience through suffering” and “was made perfect through suffering.” Why would God exempt us from what he allowed his own Son to experience? Paul said, “We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!”


Bittersweet, though.~




Published by Mayne Andaya