I became whole when I lost my other half.

We ended it on a Monday...no painful words, no screaming, no tears. It was just gone, in the blink of an eye: phone numbers lost, questions unanswered, love ripped away. It was a long time coming, but when it came, it hurt. I am in a constant confusion whether my reality is an open field of endless possibilities or a battlefield of "what is he doing now?" 

He is living without me, and I am living without him. That is a painful truth for the one person you thought would never again be a stranger to you. You must remember: you were a part of each other. You held his moments, the way he held yours. You existed to him. There is no erasing that, there is no abolishing that. No terror or chaos in the battlefield will take away the fleeting moments of love you had for each other. 

It was a bittersweet breakup, and I encouraged it as much as I fought it. My empire was not built. I was not the woman I wanted to be yet. And he, he was not the man that I know he will be. We grew apart in the moments we spent searching for ourselves and our footing in this world. 

You do not have a missing piece. You are whole all by yourself. There is no void. There is not to be a completion that can only be filled by a man. 

Love is the only answer. Yet, we must understand that love does not always come in the arms of a man. Somewhere along the way, society confused basic human love and romantic love. So love yourself, love your mother, love being an individual that can make a CHANGE. 

I have always said that heartbreak is such a unique pain. It only becomes more painful when we focus on what we have lost, instead of the endless things we have gained: independence, awareness, freedom. 

 

Published by Celina Dawdy