I've been reading a new book lately (go figure what it's called), and I just thought I'd share my thoughts. At first I was skeptical about buying the book, but then I saw everyone on social media hyping it up. I gave in, and finally purchased 'The Wait'. Honestly... It is AMAZING! This book was filled with confirmation, as well as realization. I could definitely make a connection on a personal level.


Changing the game

I made a life choice to become celibate 8 months ago in hopes to find more. When I say "...to find more" I mean that I knew that there was more out there waiting to be seen by me, but I would always focus on the wrong things allowing them to determine my course. Reading about how Megan Good and Devon Franklin met is so relatable, and it gives reassurance that the choice I made will not be in vain. There's actually spiritual benefits that come with celibacy.

My love life was a mess before I made the choice to be celibate. I've learned that sex can really play a big part in your relationships. For example; I was in a relationship for a long time blinded by intimacy not knowing who the person I was dating really was. When you remove sex from the equation it allows you to focus on more things other than the physical which is more valuable. This allowed me to question all my past relationships in order to see if it was lust or love. Discernment developed very quickly, because I feel that a lot of people in my generation use sex as a crutch to carry so many unhealthy bonds.

Revising my list

The funny thing is that I always had a list of what I wanted. They consisted of mostly the physical aspects of a person. Here's a little look at my list:

  • Darkskinned
  • Waves
  • Nice smile
  • Independent
  • Spontaneous
  • Funny
  • Smart
  • Talented
  • Consistent
  • Persistent

Now that was just some of my list, and sadly there's a lot more...smh.

After reading Chapter 7: 'Can I Date While I Wait' I gained more insight that no one is going to check every box on the list. What matters most is far from physical, so this is what my list consist of now:

  • Respect
  • Loyalty
  • Support
  • Genuineness

Although my list has changed drastically, I still managed to transfer the old to the new like; consistence, persistence, and Humor. We spend so much time searching for the perfect person based on their looks, and miss out on the characteristics that can actually make a good love last.

Celibacy vs Abstinence

"Similar meanings, different reasons"

Just to make things a little more clear. Being abstinent is waiting until marriage to indulge in gratification. Making the choice to be celibate is saying that you are refraining from gratification because of a vow; it's abstinence with a purpose.

Things you can do while waiting

People look at celibacy as a prison sentence, and before making the decision I did too. There's so much to do while waiting such as:

  • Work out
  • Read
  • Volunteer
  • Work on your craft
  • Start a business
  • Meditate
  • Develop a new skill

Celibacy allows time to improve and focus on yourself with no distractions. Not that dating is a distraction, but sex while dating can definitely make things complicated.

New Beginnings

Saying that this book has changed my life would be exaggerating, but celibacy has. It is giving me discernment to see people for who they are which is powerful. Removing toxic people has become easy which is a blessing.

It takes strength to consider celibacy, and even more strength to remain consistent. I believe this practice is a cure for the 'hook up' generation we live in.

I would recommend this book to everyone who has considered making the decision to be celibate, and for the ones who think celibacy is ridiculous. It will give more insight which will possibly lead you to a more fulfilling love life you can treasure.

Oh, and always remember that there is always a meaning to your circumstance.

Well, thanks for reading!

-Lex

Published by Lex R