There are things in life I will never fully understand no matter how hard I try; Jon just so happens to be one of those things. I spend all Saturday working, convincing myself and my mind that as long as I stay occupied I'll be okay. I'll forget about him and how he left, his smile, his touch and everything in between. This all seemed like a marvellous plan until it backfired in my face as I opened my phone and saw multiple messages from him. Each message was more depressing than the one that came before it. I wanted to walk away from him, I wanted to have so much strength and be done with it all, but I couldn't. I replied with a simple "okay" to his multiple messages that stated how deeply sorry he was, that he made a huge mistake, how he needs to see me and how all he wants is "us" back. When my eyes finally met his that evening after work all I could see was sadness as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I didn't want to sob, but I was finally home again. That night we went out for dinner and I couldn't stop staring at him because I thought it was all a dream, just too good to be true. The next day we went to his mother's house for a picnic and to pick peaches; I didn't want the day to end, I wasn't ready for goodbye. Although Jon told me after he dropped me off at home that he would spend the night Tuesday I was almost ready to cry. How do you tell someone not to go? How do you tell them that you're scared this was all a dream and to please stay? Most importantly how do you keep yourself from falling apart at the scene? I don't know the answer to any of these questions that play back and forth in my head. I don't want to beg someone to stay and in the end be rejected. I don't want to have these intense emotions and need as much as I do. I don't want to smother him, but I'm petrified I will. All I can do at the moment is stare at my ceiling while in bed and try not to notice the empty spot next to me.

Published by Kayla Wooden