Twice a week I enter this safe haven 

where I am asked to dedicate my practice to someone who may need it

and twice a week, without fail, I dedicate my thoughts to you

the peace I seek is not for myself, but for another;

for my brother 

Every time I think of your sadness my heart feels like it is being attacked by a pack of blood thirsty wolves

feeding on inner torment 

I want nothing more than to practice so true and so purely

that your soul simply floats into nirvana 

upon the golden wings of a thousand tiny moths 

Every time my phone rings late at night, 

and it’s you, 

my heart skips a beat

or ten

Why are you calling me so late? What’s wrong?

It’s never anything important 

but after we hang up, 

and I realize how scared that phone call had me,

my heart is a spattering of little white egg shells

across my bedroom floor 

I want to suck up your pain through a straw

and swallow it for my own

You have become more than a brother,

a best friend, an idol

if anything happened…

but I can’t even let myself think about it

This space is meant for positivity

inner light 

peace

god, don’t leave me here alone 

I look up to you more than you’ll ever know

and can’t put into words

we aren’t that way

I pour my heart into this mat and force myself to believe in a higher being 

so that I have a way to make it so

your soul can shine out from within, a radiant happiness 

Published by Alison Howe